Arjen Robben’s Defiant Fashion Movement.

Remember back when you were a kid and playing “organized” sports meant you grabbed any pair of shorts out of the closet which were kinda sorta clean – the more permanent grass stains, the better?

It would appear football is not quite the “child’s game” it appears to be on television. Arjen Robben has incurred the wrath of the German Powers That Is by wearing something unsanctioned under Rule 8.23.a.Σ.$ in the Bundesliga’s How To Dress rulebook.

“The German federation want a single colour,” sporting director Christian Nerlinger told the club’s website (www.bayern.t-home.de). “We’ll either have to dye them or he’ll have to find another pair.”

Are they trying to imply that he only has one pair? That after a 90 minute Bundesliga game with such sweaty nether regions – not to mention from a player of Arjen’s blinding leg friction (there’s a fire crotch joke somewhere in here…well, there would be if it were anyone but Robben) – those underlongjohns aren’t doused in gasoline, burned and then buried somewhere near the earth’s mantle?

Arjen has hit back at the accusations of underwear-doping:

“I’m an explosive player who must warm up well,” he said. “They are not beautiful but they are functional.”

I say let the man dress like a slob. With Rogaine banned and all football boots now dangerous to epileptics, why not let him go all the way?

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Category: Bundesliga