A French-English Sex Scandal to Brighten Your Day

By: Laurie | February 4th, 2008

What is it about French strikers? They just can’t seem to shut off the urge to score, even when they’re off the field. First we had that Trezeguet blackmail thing, then Thierry Henry’s marriage broke up over some makeup artist. Now it’s Chelsea’s recent purchase, Nicolas Anelka.

Note to women everywhere: Forget the strikers. Go for the dependable holding midfielder.

Oh. Wait. That includes Claude Makelele. On second thought, maybe you should just avoid French footballers altogether.

“News of the World” yesterday gave us the most recent hell-hath-no-fury article about Anelka and the woman who didn’t know he was engaged/married. Complete with the requisite I will photograph myself with my cellphone in the mirror in all of my manly glory and hit SEND, and you will be impressed photo, but with a big CENSORED sticker across all of the ~~interesting~~ horrifyingly scandalous parts.

Gents, a word to the wise here. The only thing that impresses women about this kind of photo is the ginormous check the tabloids give them when said photos are turned over to be published. I know it may seem like a good idea at the time. But honestly, just say no, okay? You’ll thank me when you sober up.

Although Anelka is Muslim and theoretically doesn’t drink. So I don’t know what his excuse is.

According to the article, Nico engaged in longterm hanky panky with one woman while being engaged and getting married to another. And he texted the fling from Morocco on his wedding day. Classy, classy, classy.

Oh, and the best part? When she asked him if he’d gotten married, he [allegedly] said, no, that was my brother.

Remember that one, boys. It always works. Provided the woman has the IQ of an eggplant.

I know. You’re shocked, shocked! that a highly-paid footballer would do something like this. Especially one coming from France, where you’d need an entire dictionary to cover all the words and phrases created about affairs.

I’m shocked too. Especially since France has a game on Wednesday. I find the timing suspicious.

Maybe the fling is a Spain fan?