David Beckham: Achieving the Impossible

By: chris | November 19th, 2007

Life can be utterly cruel sometimes, taking the strongest of men and making them the meakest of little boys. Taking daily tasks and turning them into difficulties. Taking difficulties and making them nigh impossible. Let’s run down the list of a few of these:

• Going to war and losing a limb
• Contracting AIDS
• Suffering from a debilitating and incurable disease
• Being Helen Keller
• Being that guy who cut off his own arm with a Swiss Army Knife to save his life
• Being David Beckham

I know what you’re thinking. “What the hell is so difficult about AIDS?” Trust me, its impact is underrated. It’s no HIV, but it’s tough.

As for the last one. You may scoff, but being talented, handsome, rich, adored, having a pleasently odiferous cologne, shagging an android (aka Spice Girl who isn’t Scary or Ginger…or Sporty), and sitting in the stands while collecting a fatass paycheck from the LA Galaxy is a lot more difficult than it may first appear. Seriously. Especially on the last one. You wouldn’t believe what a hot Southern California sun in the summer can do to a man’s perfectly formed tan. Oh the horrors. My personal tannist was traumatized the last time I came home from a week in Newport Beach.

I suppose now’s a good time to get to the point of this here post. Well, David Beckham has recently done a commercial detailing that he is David Beckham (duh), and that you can achieve the impossible, because, um, he has. (Checking…yup.) The video is right here for your viewing pleasure:

Red cards, turning ordinary men into heroes. A touching story, it is. One for the ages. But I have just one question.

WHAT THE FUCK IS SO IMPOSSIBLE ABOUT BEING DAVID BECKHAM????

(Besides trying not to make your “th” sound like “f” froughout a whole press conference.)

If any of you can answer this age-old question my debt of gratitude will forever go unfulfilled.

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Category: England, MLS

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Shane

The full version of the commercial gives more insight. The main "difficult" thing pointed out is the death threats. That alone in the football world is ridiculous. Grow up, ya know?
LC Nehring

I know why it's so impossible. The key is in the video - at around the 15 second mark, he says that after he scored the goal against Greece, the sports writers all got up and started clapping him. Now, in case you didn't know it, "clapping" means giving an STD. So, now Becks has to explain to the robot how he got multiple STDs.
5 Pound Bag

He is naturally left-footed but lost the use of it in an ill-considered drunken wager with Sir Alex.
Nick

I'd imagine being married to that train wreck of a wife to be quite challenging...
Lupo562

You clearly don't realize how much effort (and how many products) go into perfecting his hair...