10 Potential New Premier League Sponsors

By: Daryl | December 19th, 2008

With the recent revelation that Barclays may be rethinking it’s sponsorship of the English Premier League, it’s time to start imagining a future without them.

If we’re honest, most football fans won’t care. Because the only people who ever called it the Barclays Premier League were those contractually obliged to do so. I might miss the lion though. He seemed nice.

If there is a new sponsor, here are 10 potential candidates:

1. Pepsi Premier League
As suggested by Rob in the comments here. Not only good for alliteration but this sponsorship would effectively win the cola wars for Pepsi. With the Pepsi Premier League and the Coca-Cola Championship, it would be clear who was the bigger brand. Diet Cherry Coke would still be first on my shopping list though.

2. Pepcid Premier League
As suggested by Laurie in the comments, because losing their main sponsor is going to cause the English Premier League some serious heartburn. But any antacid will do. Gaviscon, Tums etc. My favourite would be the Pepto-Bismol Premier League becase when you say it fast it sounds like an insult.

3. Pukka Pies Premier League
I suggested this as a joke, but the more you think about it… Pukka Pies is already a football fan’s staple. Plus it’s the ultimate in alliteration and fun to say. Would have to sell a lot of pies to make the finances work though. But the real downside is that the “Who Ate All the Pies?” will have to be altered for the new sponsors.

4. Scottish Premier League Premier League
After years of playing second fiddle, the SPL could pony up the cash to sponsor the other Prem and confuse everybody with a wacky name. Part of the deal: Ian’s beloved Caley Thistle get to play in England’s top flight, and can’t ever be relegated. Plus, the value of SPL sponsorship would explode because whoever sponsors the SPL will also sponsor the EPL by proxy, eg the Clydesdale Bank Scottish Premier League Premier League.

5. David Beckham’s Premier League
Insanely, he could probably afford this if he wanted to. Sweet revenge for the lack of interest from Big Four clubs when he left Madrid. All match balls will be golden, of course. Not sure about the new logo though (left).

Or maybe Becks will buy it for his wife and name it the Posh Premier League.

6. Poundland Premier League
With the credit crunch biting hard in England, Poundland (”everything’s a pound”) are apparently doing big business. All transfer fees would be drastically reduced overnight.

Maybe they’d sell Prem tickets in the store for a pound too?

7. The Sir Alex Ferguson Premier League
Because if you win it 10 times you get to keep it.

Only problem is that when the time comes for his sponsorship to end, SAF would be checking his watch and asking for another few minutes.

8. L’Oreal for Men Premier League
Rumoured hair-gel supplier to Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo, and an ideal sponsor in the age of metrosexual footballers who will happily wear sarongs and pink boots.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

9. The Respect for Referees Premier League
Because clubs and players apparently need constant reminders to respect the man in black.

And there’s something about being able to reply to “that’s not a foul” with “I fucking own you”.

10. Non-Corporate Non-Evil Premier League
In all seriousness, the Premier League has more than enough money and is well on the way to giving itself an absolutely horrible reputation as a soulless money-making machine. So why not follow the excellent examples set by Aston Villa, Barcelona and Wolfsburg by carrying the name of a worthy charity at no cost? Maybe a different charity each season. Ball’s in your court Richard Scudamore.