Five Ideas That Are 100% Guaranteed to Stop Rory Delap’s Long Throws

Rory Delap’s long throw-ins have been called “undefendable”. OK, so it was the Stoke man himself who said it, but I’m pretty sure the Arsenal defence would agree. As would the Villa defence. And all the other defences that Delap has wreaked havoc on so far this season.

They come in low and fast and hard (great diagram here) and are unlike any other set piece a defence has to face. Lee Dixon has an article on the BBC website, arguing that the best way to defend Delap is to forget man-marking and have your big players just concentrate on heading the ball clear. But Dixon’s idea isn’t fool-proof. Here are five ideas that are 100% guaranteed to stop Rory Delap’s long throws:

1. Break his fingers. Obviously it has to look like an accident. So “accidentally” slamming a door on Delap’s fingers is probably the way to go. Preferably a car door, but a regular door will do the trick if timed properly.

2. Vaseline on the ball. Make that thing so slippy Delap can’t get a proper grip. Other petroleum jelly products are also acceptable.

3. Vertical defensive wall. Just like for free kicks, you put men in front of the ball to block Delap’s arrows. But instead of standing side by side like a regular wall, stack your defenders on top of each other. And the uglier the better, cus someone’s taking a ball to the face.

4. Bribe the linesmen. For enough money, all throw-in decisions will mysteriously go in your favour. Then we’ll see how Delap likes defending throws-ins instead of taking them.

5. Sign Dave Challinor. Delap throws the ball around 38 meters, but Challinor holds the world record throw-in distance of 44.6 meters. Seeing Challinor in action should knock Delap off his game. If not, you can use the threat of Challinor to negotiate a throw-in amnesty with the opposition.

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Category: English Premier League