Glen Johnson’s Career is going down the Toilet

It must have been one hell of a toilet seat – you know, one of those padded kind that mold around you and make it an absolute joy to do your daily do-do. Or maybe it was one of those automated Japanese toilets where you don’t even have to think when you make a stink. How else can you explain Portsmouth fullback Glen Johnson’s decision to try to steal bathroom fittings on Thursday?

Here’s a description of the hi-jinks:

Despite reportedly earning £30,000 a week, Johnson – currently on loan from Chelsea – was spotted by a security guard putting a toilet seat into a box with a cheaper price tag. Aided by Millwall striker Ben May, he also hid a set of taps underneath a sink at the checkout to avoid paying for them. Both were handed £80 on the spot fines by police.

“We all recognised Johnson,” said one worker at the store. “No one could quite believe a bloke like him, with all that money, would be moronic enough to nick a toilet seat. But that’s what him and May were doing.

“They were spotted by one of our security guards, a chap of 74, and cops arrived as they were trying to leave. They seemed to find the whole thing funny and couldn’t stop smirking even after they had been arrested.”

Fortunately for all involved, that 74-year-old security guard was able to foil the grand heist before Johnson tried something really crazy like trying to steal a urinal.

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Category: English Premier League