Hide the Women and Children, Abel Xavier is Back

You might be wondering what Abel Xavier has been up to for the past 12 months. I cannot confirm this, but just last week during Halloween I was at a Haunted House and I swear that the scariest thing there was a man who looked exactly like Xavier. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since.

Xavier and his terrifyingly mesmerizing hair is back on the scene now that Middlesbrough have signed the Portuguese defender for the rest of the season. Xavier last played for Boro before receiving a one-year ban for testing positive for methandienone, a substance that could very well be found in his hair care products. Middelsbrough boss Gareth Southgate is quoted as saying people deserve a second chance in life. Not sure whether or not he is referring to the player or to his barber.

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Category: English Premier League