How To Get Yourself Transferred 101

By: chris | January 31st, 2008

(Doesn’t he look a little bit like a Czech Chris Bale from The Machinist there?)
Start yapping to the press on deadline day. David Rozehnal started out the day in the northeast of England by spouting off to the press about how he was looking forward to talk to new boss Kev Keegan about his future at the club. By the afternoon, he didn’t even have a future at the club. He’s been sent to Lazio. So it appears David didn’t have to wait long to get his answer from Kev: “No soup for you!”

Chances are this may have been in the works longer than just today, but we’d like to think that the suits at Newcastle heard this and immediately went into a fury, yelling “Somebody get me Lazio on the phone. Somebody get me fucking Lazio! Kid’s gone! Assclown!”…or something along those lines.

The quotes aren’t scandalous, but it’s clear he got his wish.

“Keegan promised to speak to us individually. I want to know his ideas and therefore know what to expect….I like the competition, it is useful. There are four equally-talented players for my position. I admit that the team composition is up to our coach and I’m not complaining at all….But I think we are on the same level, I am not worse than them. Moreover, I put in some good performances at the beginning. I am annoyed….I was very much looking forward to coming to Newcastle after playing at Club Brugge and PSG. I did not expect to be sitting on the bench.”

So, more playing time for a shitty defense in Serie A. But that’s not even the best part. Lazio’s fax machine went down before they could get official confirmation of the deal, which is totally something that would happen to them (because they suck at everything, basically). So after a mad scramble to get men on horses to the coast of Holland and a ferry to take them to Newcastle upon Tyne, they finally got their confirmation and relieved defender. Well, he will be until he takes a look at the standings and realized that Lazio is near the drop zone and has conceded the 3rd most goals in Serie A this season, with little show of improvement. Enjoy Serie B, buddy.