Soundoff: Premier League 2010/11 Predictions

By: Daryl | August 13th, 2010

The English Premier League is back in action tomorrow. Rob posted a game by game preview of the Premier League 2010/11 opening weekend earlier, with the introductory line “all times are local time, and all predictions entirely fallible.”

My Premier League predictions are equally fallible, but more long term. So below I’ve predicted my Premier League champions, top four and bottom three, safe in the knowledge I can’t be proved wrong for at least another eight or nine months.

It’s the safest form of predicting, providing no one is trawling through The Offside archives in May 2011. Read on for my best guesses, and then make your own in the comments.

Champion: Arsenal
Not an obvious choice, I know. But I’d argue that key Chelsea and Man United players are now one year older. In a bad way. Frank Lampard is now 32 and Paul Scholes is now 35, for example. Arsenal’s key players on the other hand are now one year older in a good way. One year wiser even. For example, Samir Nasri and Cesc Fabregas are both now 23, progressing from youth to young manhood (on a special footballer maturity scale I just invented). In addition, Arsenal have finally made the signing everyone’s been telling Arsene Wenger he needed all along, a slightly more imposing striker in the shape of Marouane Chamakh. Even if Chamakh struggles a little for goals or form, his sheer physical presence will give Arsenal a different option than in previous years.
- The bookies disagree with me though. Take a look at the odds and then bet on the Premier League winner if you dare.

Rest of the Top Four: Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool
I thought long and hard about this. Man United and Chelsea are a given, I think. So it was really all about that fourth and final Champions League spot. Obviously Spurs took it last season but I think a repeat is asking a bit much, especially with the potential distraction of the Champions League group stage to come. There’s something inevitable about the rise of Man City, especially the way they finished fifth last year without having a particularly impressive season. But there’s something even more inevitable to me about the Big Four being the Big Four, which is why I’m picking Liverpool to finish fourth.

Bottom Three: West Brom, Wigan, Blackpool
I’m a Wolves fan, so I almost literally have a dog in this fight. I’m not deluded enough to expect that Wolves will be far from trouble, but I am optimistic enough to expect them to survive. I also take no pleasure in predicting another relegation for West Brom. Yes, they’re Wolves’ rivals. But for that reason I’d like them to stay in the Premier League so we can play them every year. I also predict that the self-narrating West Brom Blog will be even more entertaining to read during a Premier League season, if that’s possible. Wigan struggled towards the end of 2009/10 (the result of their final game was Chelsea 8-0 Wigan) and I see that continuing into 2010/11. Last and possibly least, Blackpool are the obvious candidates for bottom spot. Manager Ian Holloway will be a welcome addition to the top flight, but unfortunately the Premier League doesn’t award points for quotes. (Though it definitely should).

So my Prem Predictions for 2010/11 look like this:

1. Arsenal

2. Manchester United
3. Chelsea
4. Liverpool

18. West Brom
19. Wigan
20. Blackpool

What do yours look like?

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Category: English Premier League

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ChrisBluesFan

1. Chelsea- GO BLUES!!!!!!!!!!

2. Man City or Tottenham- They'll surprise everyone this year

3. Liverpool- Roy Hodgson was such a great manager for Fulham. Remember the way they used to be all 16th and 17th? Roy came in and they exceptionally well. He'll do that for Liverpool too

4. Man U.- I hate Man U with a passion

5. Aston Villa- They did really good last season, they'll do good this season. But maybe with the depart of O'Neil, they might not

6. Arsenal or Everton- Arsenal has been spiraling down hill with every year that went by, while Everton has been improving slightly every year.

7. Newcastle- After they left, I cried (They're my 2nd favorite team), but they proved they can handle the Championship, why not the Premiership?

8. Birmingham- With their on again off again relegation-promotion battle for the last couple of years, I was very surprised when they finished 9th.

9. Fulham- Without Roy Hodgson, they'll probably go back to being around 16th or 17th place, but I'll give them a year to go downhill before they start doing bad.

10. Stoke City- Again, when your a mid-tabled team no one really cares...

Now For relegation:

17th. West Ham

18th. Bolton- God, I pray to him that they get relegated. The team is just so...horribly unnoticed, that they just need to go down

19th. Wigan- They just need to go...

20th. Blackpool- Sorry Blackpool, your playing with the big boys now, and I dont think you can handle it. Your just another Derby, or Burnley.
vNvN

In the spirit of what I maintain will be a ridiculously entertaining year, I portend:

1. Spurs
Initially mired in equal parts delusion to self-deprecation, half way through the season the squad members see a miraculous vision of Naming Rights itself in human form. Inspired, the squad begin an awesome run of form culminating in a tearful injury time winner by Crouch on the last day of the season, thus ensuring the title.
Also, Harry Redknapp is chared with match-fixing and Pavlyuchenko's body is found in the Thames two months after dissappearing some time after Boxing Day.

2. Man City
Will agonizingly lose out on the title on the last day of the season in a rare display of divine justice, although this will be too late for 60,000 disenchanted 8-12 year olds who will all tragically fall into a coma in late February after a Joleon Lescott hat-trick. Some memorable quotes will include: "Hey, I'll buy your stadium for you! If you give me Gerrard and Torres." and, "Since when is being rich a crime? Huh? You tell me. We don't judge by race or religion, but if we have a few billion pounds then 'Oh, that's OK! We can be prejudiced then.' This just makes me SICK. I don't want to live in a world where you can't offer to buy the referee a Ferrari."

3. Man Utd
A disappointing end to a promising start of the season, culminating in a dissapointing uptake to a bond issue, and continued frustration in the efforts to renegotiate hedge fund interest rates. The football results were a bit of a disappointment too. Ferguson's reassurances to the fans that the future is rosy is initially met with mumbled discontent, but the mood livens up after the rapt crowd of investment managers are given free Man Utd keyrings. Elsewhere, disgruntled anti-Glazer fans vent their fury by urging fellow fans to boycott season tickets via banners held aloft next to their seats in the stadium, and Phelan ominously warns their rivals that they still finished third despite the fact that nobody higher than Gary Neville in the club hierarchy even bothered turning up on match days.

4. Newcastle
Relegation form at the start of the season, predictably leads to the re-return of The Messiah. Mike Ashley also then appoints Bryan Roy as director of football, and then Keith Curle as a supervisor of football, and THEN Dion Dublin as overlord of football. Frenzied rumour has it that Keith Curle is in charge of negotiating whatever funds he sees fit for players, with which Bryan Roy then has to buy whatever players he sees fit, who Keegan then has to put on the bench. Nobody understands what Dion Dublin's role is in all of this, but success remarkably follows in what could only be described as a "slap in the face of all logic." Geordie fans are understandably ecstatic and declare themselves World Champions elect, and the shadow education minister poignantly rebukes the Conservative government for the continued neglect of education schemes in the North East.

Oh, and:
18. Everton (this is more hope for Moyes being punished for his rubbish, sterotypically naive performances in Europe than it is logic. I mean, Fulham and Portsmouth and the like are supposed to play badly, but Moyes you son of a...)
19. Wolves (sorry Daryl)
20. Wigan (or Sunderland [or Stoke {or...Oh, I don't know!}])
Daryl

" Bryan Roy as director of football, and then Keith Curle as a supervisor of football, and THEN Dion Dublin as overlord of football."

Two words: Dream and Team.
vNvN

That's what I'm saying! Mike Ashley: an incompetent genius. Only time stands in the way of my assertion that he's the Jacques Clouseau of football management. If only us mere mortals had his Rasputin-esque powers of insight! (Come to think of it, the Rasputin analogy runs worryingly closer than it should.)

I think I missed Newcastle.
Therese

Hi Daryl. I got back from a long vacation yesterday. Spent much of the 18 hour drive listening to TFSS podcasts. Loved the one for new soccer fans--perfect for me as I've just gotten into the sport b/c of the WC. Trying to learn more about EPL so appreciate your predictions. Step 1 for me is deciding on a team to support, but I'm clueless. Any advice? Obviously I'll read as much as I can here. Do you have any suggestions? I'd also like to figure out which teams are top tier and which are second tier-ish. Maybe I'll pick one of each to follow.
vNvN

Therese, here's my breakdown of how the teams rank from a new supporter's point of view (by which I mean that it also considers recent historical success rather than just where I think they'll finish this season or afterwards):

1. Man Utd
2. Chelsea
3. Arsenal
4. Liverpool
5. Man City
6. Tottenham
7. Everton
8. Aston Villa
9. Blackburn
10. Birmingham
11. West Ham
12. Fulham
13. Bolton
14. Wigan
15. Sunderland
16. Newcastle
17. Stoke
18. Wolves
19. West Brom
20. Blackpool

So, this should give you some idea on where the various teams will theoretically fall (although I actually fully expect Man City, Tottenham, Blackpool, Newcastle, and maybe West Brom to actually finish higher in the table than what I've put). But, I think the best advise is Daryl's: watch as many teams as you can and just go for one you get a good vibe for.
James_lew13

wolves will not be relegatd sorry but we have a lot better squad than the likes of wigan etc. we will score more goals this season and finish around the 15 mark
Therese

Thanks, vNvN. The challenge is going to be making time for all these games. (I'm going to be spending all my time at my kids' soccer games every weekend.) I'd like to find a good middle of the pack team to root for. Everton-Aston Villa-Fulham? We'll see.

Daryl, didn't someone on TFSS mention that you can watch decent length recaps of matches on footytube? I poked around briefly but wasn't sure what I was doing. I tried to find highlights of the 3rd place WC game (missed it the first time around) and couldn't find it.

I'm such a newbie. Sigh.
agiamba

Shameless self-promotion- http://juventus.theoffside.com...

Go Italy. :)
Daryl

Hi Therese,

Nice to hear we have a potential new soccer convert. Obviously opinion on how to pick a team varies wildly, but one good way to learn about the various Premier League teams is to read the different team blogs via http://epl.theoffside.com

Outside of that I'd recommend watching impartially for the first couple of weeks before deciding, and just seeing which team you enjoy the most. Or... is there someone you know who already supports a team? Seems to me that a lot of people support a certain team because someone they know introduced them to that team, and that way it's a shared thing where you support the team together. Hope some of that is helpful, and please let us know here if you decide on a team, and which one and how!

Does anyone else have any tips for Therese on picking a team?
Therese

Oy. Google is such a blessing and a curse! Just spent way too much time reading threads about EPL teams, why fans picked them, etc. But it's a start. And plenty of laundry to fold while I watch upcoming games. Thanks!
artetafan

The bookies disagree with me though. Take a look at the odds and then bet on the Premier League winner if you dare.

Already have, mate and I'll pick up 2 and half grand when Everton win the league. We're the team on form.
hello

Daryl... the epl blog thing is messed up. i click on newcastles badge thing. and it goes to man uniteds.
Ian

hello hello. Yes, we've fixed this - please check it again. Sorry about the confusion.
Daryl

I think the links are being updated for the new season. Give it a little while and all should be right.