Ten Things We Learned From The Premiership 08.12.07

By: Daryl | August 12th, 2007

Jens watching

The Premiership is back. Apparently it’s now called the Barclay’s Premier League, or the BPL, or something. Whatever we’re supposed to call it, it’s just as exciting as ever and we’re all glad it’s back. Because watching England’s top flight isn’t just entertaining, it’s also educational.

Here are 10 Things We Learned From The Premiership this weekend…

1. You can build a team just by watching videos
Sven got all sorts of “sticks” (his phrase) for signing players based on video evidence. But if Man City’s 2-0 win over West Ham is anything to go by, then the future of scouting is pause and rewind. New signings Rolando Bianchi and Geovanni scored the goals, while Elano didn’t just skin Matty Upson to set up the first goal, he made the poor fella look like he was running backwards.

2. Jens Lehmann’s first touch needs a little work
Someone once unkindly described my first touch thus: “His second touch is a tackle.” Well at least that means it’s better than Arsenal keeper Jens Lehmann’s. His second touch of the 2007/8 season was to pick the ball out of his net, because his first touch – a disastrous attempt to deal with a backpass – gifted David Healy a goal for Fulham.

3. Stamford Bridge must have a decent alarm system
No one has stolen a Premiership win from Chelsea’s home in 64 games, a new top flight record. But Mourinho has gone 95 games unbeaten at home, if you inlcude his time at Porto. This makes Mourinho the man you’d least like to try and burgle. Except for Big Duncan Ferguson.

4. Alan Smith can play anywhere
I still swear he’s best as a striker, but Alan Smith started his Newcaste career playing midfield again. He also looks like he’d make a decent keeper, diving to make a goalkeeper like save on the line to block a shot by Gary Speed (yep, he’s still playing) only using his body instead of his hands.

5. Obafemi Martins should have been in the circus
We already knew he could do all the backflips, but Martins put his implausible athleticism to use against Bolton by scoring an overhead kick from an impossibly low angle. And then doing a double backflip.

6. Steven Gerrard can take free kicks
And he’s back where he belongs in central midfield. And he’s also got time to ref the game, with actual referee Mike Riley dutifully obeying Gerrard’s request for said free-kick after Villa’s Stilian Petrov had cleanly poked the ball away.

7. Kaspar Schmeichel looks like his dad
Well, he does. And he got a clean sheet on his Man City debut too.

8. Michael Chopra is a headline waiting to happen
Brows furrowed when Roy Keane spent 5m on Michael Chopra (especially brows with no interest in the Championship) but the lad came off the bench to score a 93rd minute winner against Spurs. If Chopra keeps scoring then I’m expecting to see the following headline at least once before June: “Michael Gives [instert relegated team/team knocked out the cup/recently sacked manager name here] The Chop.”

9. Florent Malouda must roast Glen Johnson every day in training
Malouda looked impressive on Chelsea’s left wing, scoring on his Premiership debut. Johnson looked dodgy at right back, half-heartedly waving his leg as Birmingham City’s Kapo blew past him on the way to goal.

10. Michael Duberry is not a patriot
Duberry stood on Wayne Rooney’s foot during Reading and Man Utd’s 0-0 draw at Old Trafford, giving his fellow countryman a hairline fracture and spreading cheer in Croatia, Israel and Russia.