10 Things We Learned in the Premier League

1. Nani isn’t much of an actor
No doubt that Lucas Neill provoked him. But the poor man’s Cristiano Ronaldo was stupid to headbutt the Aussie, and optimistic to think his belated dive to the floor clutching his face was convincing enough to save him.

2. Cristiano Ronaldo’s first touch is rubbish!

He was trying to control that ball, but scored his 40th goal of the season instead. He’s now he’s good and lucky. No wonder he’s just added the Football Writer’s Player of the Year award to his PFA honour.

3. Reading are the new Toronto FC
When Toronto joined MLS, they went 824 minutes without scoring. Reading could be joining the Championship after going 551 minutes of the same.

4. Valencia will avoid relegation
Nothing to do with the club Ronald Koeman nearly ruined. This is Antonio Valencia, whose two goals against Aston Villa secured Wigan’s Premiership survival.

5. Sven Goran Eriksson is a poet
Despite doing an excellent job at Manchester City this season, it seems Thaksin Shinawatra wants him out. When asked about what’s going to happen, all Sven would say was “The future, for now, is Middlesbrough away.” But did he mean that literally? Or was it more of a metaphor for how depressing life is?

6. The name Traoré won’t always provoke hilarity.
When you say “Traoré” to any Premier League (and especially Liverpool) fan they’ll immediately think of comedy left back Djimi Traore. Burnley fans will smile. But that won’t always be the case. Arsenal youngster Armand Traoré came on against Everton and got forward to produce an inch perfect cross for Nicklas Bendtner’s goal.

7. What goes around comes around
Radhi Jaïdi has spent the last few weeks annoying goalkeepers and abusing the offside rule with his distraction tactics at free kicks. He was due some bad luck. So with Birmingham 1-0 down to survival rivals Fulham, Jaïdi’s goalbound header was (probably) cleared off the line by Paul Konchesky’s arm. But no penalty. Instant(ish) karma for flouting the offside rule these past few weeks.

8. You can’t clear the ball off the line if you’re standing behind the line
Sorry Andy Reid, but you can’t appeal against the basic laws of physics.

9. Joe Cole has already won something this season
The Chelsea trickster was named Britain’s top male gay icon by a dating site recently. It’s not quite a Premier League or Champions League winners medal, but all silverware counts.

10. Simon Davies is a good teammate
Can’t find any video of this (let me know if you do) but there was a great moment in Fulham’s 2-0 win over Birmingham where David Healy and Simon Davies had a two on one situation. Healy tried to square it to Davies, but his woeful pass went behind his teammate. Rather than giving up or waviing his arms about, Davies managed to pull out a rabona and play the ball back to Healy. Healy still fired straight at the keeper though.

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Category: English Premier League