The Offside Guide to Picking a Premier League Captain

By: Daryl | November 24th, 2008

William Gallas was not a good captain. I think it’s safe to say that now, right? The fact that he wanted to wear the #10 shirt while playing centre back was a clue, the centre circle sit down last season was proof and his moment of mental last week was the final straw.

So Arsene Wenger has wisely relieved Gallas of armband duties. But now what? How do you pick a new captain? Below are the 19 current Premier League skippers and a few key facts that might help Wenger make up his mind.

Arsenal - ???
Aston Villa - Martin Laursen - 31 year old defender from Denmark
Blackburn - Ryan Nelsen - 31, defender, New Zealand
Bolton - Kevin Nolan - 26, midfielder, England
Chelsea - John Terry - 27, defender, England
Everton - Phil Neville - 31, midfielder, England
Fulham - Danny Murphy - 31, midfielder, England
Hull - Ian Ashbee - 32, midfielder, England
Liverpool - Steven Gerrard - 28, midfielder, England
Man City - Richard Dunne - 29, defender, Ireland
Man Utd - Gary Neville - 33, defender, England
Middlesbrough - Emanuel Pogatetz - 25, defender, Austria
Newcastle - Michael Owen - 28, striker, England
Portsmouth - Sol Campbell - 34, defender, England
Stoke - Andy Griffin - 29, defender, England
Sunderland - Dean Whitehead - 26, midfielder, England
Tottenham - Ledley King - 28, defender, England
WBA - Jonathan Greening - 29, midfielder, England
West Ham - Lucas Neill - 30, defender, Australia
Wigan - Mario Melchiot - 32, defender, Netherlands

Here’s how the 19 break down:

By position: 11 are defenders, 7 are mids, and just one is a striker.
By nationality: 13 are English, then one each from Denmark, New Zealand, Ireland, Austria, Australia, Netherlands
By age: 9 are over 30, 10 are under 30. Average age is 29.47.

So, ideally, Wenger needs a player who is English, plays in defence and is approaching 30.

Of course these are just statistics and not a very sensible way to pick a captain. But, based on those statistics alone, the perfect man to captain Arsenal right now would be… 29 year old English international defender Matthew Upson. Which would be perfect, if only Wenger hadn’t left Upson to rot in the reserves for six years before selling him to Birmingham City in 2003.