Six Possible Reasons Why Didier Drogba Was Booked After Jonny Evans Kicked Him in the Chest

First thing’s first, I’m not sure Jonny Evans did this intentionally. So I don’t want this post to be all about him. But there’s no doubt that his studs connected with Didier Drogba’s chest during Man Utd’s 1-0 defeat to Chelsea yesterday, and there’s no doubt that said connection caused a great deal of pain. Leg-jiggling pain.

It’s possible (but by no means certain) that said leg-jiggling was exaggerated. As a result, referee Martin Atkinson booked Didier Drogba, most likely for “simulation”. But is that fair?

Diving when there’s no contact is clearly – and provably – cheating, because it’s a reaction to something that didn’t happen. But in this case there clearly was contact (and then some) so surely it’s impossible to judge the extent to which Drogba was simulating. If at all.

So if Drogba’s yellow card wasn’t for simulation, then it must have been for something else. Below are six possible alternative explanations for Martin Atkinson showing Drogba the yellow card…

1. Didier Drogba’s sternum is made of duranium metal alloy prototype 4 class b
So Jonny Evans should consider himself fortunate that his left leg didn’t immediately shatter into a million pieces. It is actually a criminal offence for Didier Drogba’s super-sternum to make contact with any part of another human, so a yellow card is actually a very lenient punishment for his vicious attack on Jonny Evans’ left leg.

2. Didier Drogba was actually booked for lewd public behaviour
Watch the leg-jiggling part of the video again. He’s not in pain, he’s clearly enjoying himself. A little too much.

3. Didier Drogba is a highly skilled magician
It may look like Evans kicked him in the chest, but that was actually just some David Blaine shit that Drogba pulled. It was literally simulated. A massive televisual event of an illusion that fooled everyone in the world. Except Martin Atkinson.

4. Jonny Evans is a Jedi
Turns out Star Wars is not a fictional film. It is a documentary, and Jedi mind tricks are real. Watch Evans after the foul. He’s clearly telling Atkinson that “I’m not the player you’re looking for.”

5. It was temporarily opposite day
It was Drogba’s misfortune that for the few second in which this collision took place, the laws of football were briefly reversed. He’s lucky he didn’t win the ball from Evans and run through to score, because that would have been an own goal and given Man Utd a 1-0 lead.

6. A new FA “Look After Yourself” Campaign?
Referees are sick and tired of being responsible for players’ safety. These are grown men, not babies. So from now on it’s each player’s own responsibility to look after themselves and not get fouled. Failure to do this results in a booking. Harsh, but it’s the only way they’ll learn.

Why only six? Because that’s all I could come up with. But if you have any more, please share them in the comments.

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Category: English Premier League