Welcome to Liverpool, Robbie.

By: chris | September 9th, 2008

Robbie Keane has had five games to work himself into the Liverpool squad, but it only took thieves one night to make him a part of the Anfield family. Like Steven Gerrard, Pepe Reina, Peter Crouch, Dirk Kuyt and Daniel Agger before them, Keane’s penthouse flat (what? he’s a 20m player - you expected a bungalow?) was visited by uninvited guests while he was away on international duty with Trapattoni and his Irish comrades.

These thieves were much more kind, however, than they’d been in the past, only taking a watch and some bling for their troubles. Perhaps Robbie, knowing the current unrest in the Liverpool ownership situation, knew not to move all his belongings from London in case things go upside down in the near future.

But now we’re posed with a question: who is robbing all of Liverpool’s players? The first thought it to look across town to Goodison Park, but that’s far too easy. We’d expect that, and it’s probably somebody a bit more devious who wants us to think it’s an Evertonian.

Now it’s obviously someone who knows where the Reds are at all times. The Voyeur? Perhaps. Arsene likes to take advantage anyway he can, and performing an Ocean’s-like heist to keep his closest rivals in the table distracted could be a part of his masterpiece.

But chances are it’s an inside job. There’s plenty of motive there. Too much, in fact. And they all know who’s where at what times. Could be somebody who feels slighted and underpaid, but reports stated last week Jermaine Pennant is about to get a new deal, pushing his motive off the planet. Or it could be a lot more simple that that. After all, every time Liverpool wants to make a move in the market, we’re slapped in the face with the fact that the ownership is telling Rafa they don’t have the cash. And yet somehow a transfer usually gets done (see: Riera). Which means….

There are your culprits: George Gillett & Tom Hicks. It’s the only way those cheap bastards will pay for the transfers.