What Your Goal Celebration Says About You

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he celebrates his goals. I think so anyway. And watching Chelsea’s four goalscorers celebrate against West Ham this weekend was like watching four different Rorschach tests.

Frank Lampard
Lampard was playing against his old club West Ham, the club that raised him. So when Lampard scored a poxy penalty he celebrated big by waving his finger around and shouting a lot. It’s usual to show a bit of class and not celebrate a goal against your old club, but not for Frank. Of course his reaction is probably down to the way he exited, which came after the board sacked his uncle Harry Redknapp and his dad Frank Lampard Senior. But that was seven years ago Frank, and the board that sacked your dad are no longer in charge. The fans are still there though.
What Frank Lampard’s goal celebration says: “I’m arrogant, I’m vindictive and I bear a grudge. Also I’m going to get sent off later for pushing Luis Boa Morte.”

Joe Cole
The exact opposite of Lampard, Joe Cole scored a goal worthy of celebration: flicking it up for himself on the edge of the box and then striking it low into the bottom corner on the bounce. But because Cole was also raised by West Ham, he pointedly refused to celebrate and showed respect to West Ham fans instead. He didn’t even raise his arms, just wore a slightly embarrassed expression until Claude Makelele (I think) came over and gave him a big hug.
What Joe Cole’s goal celebration says: “I’m a cheeky London lad with a heart of gold, and I don’t forget where I’m from.”

Michael Ballack
The German maestro’s half volley was arguably better then Cole’s, as he ran in to meet a cross and strike it crisp and low. Classy, and celebrated with two low clenched fists and a posture that told everyone his confidence was back. But it was still a more muted celebration than Lampard’s, despite Ballack’s goal being about a million times more impressive.
What Michael Ballack’s goal celebration says: “Jah. Teutonic confidence is restored.”

Ashley Cole
At 3-0 and with about 25 minutes to go, the game was already over. But when Ashley Cole scored from a narrowish angle to make it four he still celebrated like he’d just won the World Cup. OK, it was Cole’s first ever goal for Chelsea, and OK it was a West London derby. But he still looked very very foolish running up the field with his arms out airplane style to celebrate a pointless goal.
What Ashley Cole’s goal celebration says: “It’s all about Ashley.”

All the goals and celebrations below, at least until the internet police get hold of it.

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Category: English Premier League