Malouda: Training Is “Terrifying”. Wah. Wah.

By: chris | December 4th, 2007

Florent Malouda has taken great exception to the training methods in London. Malouda, as most may know, is the guy who was tackled by the ghost of Christmas past during the final in Berlin, giving ZZ the chance to put that PK off the bar, as well as being a pretty decent winger. The assumption when Chelsea bought him was that he’d come in a fill Arjen Robben’s boots, which were all too often hanging off the end of the trainer’s table (nothing has changed in Madrid, thanks for asking), only they didn’t mean literally. Malouda, on top of The Queen of Diving, is also injured. And pissed. Because he thinks the “brainless” training methods are to blame.

“Training sessions here are terrifying,” Malouda said. “They are just like matches, and you go flat out. During the actual games it is as though everybody’s brains are switched off.

I’m sure all of you are dumbfounded that a Frenchman is wussing out in practice (Allen Iverson would be proud). What I want to know is this: If practice is ‘terrifying’, and matches are just like practice, does this mean he’s terrified by matches? And if so, then what the @#$% is he doing accepting a paycheck playing professional football. Maybe he’d be better off on clay (I’d say tennis but I fear grass surfaces in general may be a tad much for him to handle).

Florent didn’t stop there, taking shots at teammates who are a bit piggish (I know, I’m scratching my head in wonderment as well):

“The people at Chelsea don’t control what the players eat. You can help yourself to whatever you like, drink Coke or anything.”

Coke?!?! Hard practices?!?!?? Oh the horror! (This is where we prepare for the story that Florent will be out for another 6 months because Frank sat on him and injured his woman parts.)

I’ve often harbored far fetched fantasies that someday we’d have an exchange program between sports, one transferring coaches on year long loans. Where, say, a baseball coach gets to coach a basketball team, or an American football coach takes an overseas jaunt to Europe for some real footy. You know, like Dick Vermeil going to Barca and embracing Ronaldinho in a blubbering man hug on the sidelines the next time Dinho is booed off the pitch because he spent the previous night groping teenagers at a disco. Or Bobby Knight running out onto the field and murdering Antonio Cassano (that’s BK choking his own player at practice, for those wondering). Or Isiah Thomas being allowed to coach a women’s team. Because I’d love to see Bill Parcells at Chelsea, and I’m sure we’d all enjoy the first time he called Florent “she”. Aptly, of course.

Anyway, Florent, be a man and suck it up you Sally.

(Inara also has the story of the French pansy du jour on lock.)

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Category: English Premier League, French Ligue 1

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Cerberus

Ok, there seems to be serious cross-chatter and emotions seem to be heated.

In the interest of moderation, let's step this back and let understanding occur. Chris, I think the main point being made is the same as that which you stated earlier against inara which is that there is a fundamental difference between physicality and technique, the physical and the intellectual. And furthermore, it is difficult to discern which is the superior methodology.

Certainly a team needs a measure of both to compete at the highest levels. To make it more personal to you, take AS Roma. They have a physical defense, but what makes them special is that currently they are not jut hoofing the ball to the solitary striker, but putting together very intellectual strings of passes (aka the intellectual side of football).

Malouda seems to be pointing out very clearly that England training is overly physical with not enough intellectual portions. It may be an unfair criticism, certainly as you point out, tactics exist in which people know what they need to do, how, and when, but it is a criticism of that sort, not of the sort that anybody who thinks in a match or wishes to see more thought in matches is somehow weak and unmasculine.

It is also a dangerous thought pattern to get into. Here in America, masculinity posing contests and the idea that thought has little place in "physical" sports leads to problems like the US National Team which has very physical and physically gifted players being made into pathetic fools by more technically gifted sides. It has certainly as Inara tried to point out made England into a weaker national team.

I think that is the point trying to be made and one which you yourself have made at points in the conversation. Sure, a game with all technique and no physical component can be just as bad as all physical and I also agree that Malouda should have put some thought into the not at all hidden physicality of the English game before signing on with Chelsea, but I disagree it is born out of fear or that being intellectually minded is either unmasculine or a negative trait to acquire.

Now about the being a diver on the other hand...Total pathetic wanker.
chris

That was anything but the implication.
trask

Dictionary time...

Physicality: "Intensely physical orientation; predominance of the physical usually at the expense of the mental, spiritual, or social."

Difficulty: "Something not easily done, accomplished, comprehended, or solved."

While your last comment wasn't a response to my comment, as far as I can tell, it (as well as your earlier comments) implies that these two words are interchangeable. Read Malouda's comments again, read the definitions again, and read your original post again. He's saying the English training sessions are more physical (and brainless), yes, but not more difficult. Yet your references to crying babies and wussy girls is implying he can't take it because it's difficult. You're still missing the point.
chris

Mourinho's practices were known for this level of physicality and difficulty. Lampard and others have made that clear.

Lampard says of the twice daily training sessions, "it's intense and that's a good thing." Mourinho details every minute of every session. If something is expected to happen in the 90th minute, it happens then. It is "very football orientated. Everything has a purpose," says Lampard. "There is always an aim."

There are plenty more. Sometimes the point is just that, and it doesn't need a "translation".
trask

Chris, putting aside your sexism for a moment, your underlying point seems to be that Malouda thinks training in England is too hard and too difficult. He never says that, however. There's a big difference between "terrifying, flat out, and brainless" and "waaah, it's too difficult, I'm a little girl's blouse." All he's saying is that in other countries, training is more tactical, technical, and thoughtful, whereas in England it's more physical and machine-like. If anything, you might make the case that he's arguing one is more stupid and the other less stupid... but not that one is more difficult and the other less difficult. Level of toughness and difficulty has nothing to do with it. If you spend any time watching training sessions over there you'd see what he's talking about and have a hard time disagreeing with his basic point... England club training sessions are similar to the matches, frenetic and physical, whereas training sessions in a lot of other countries are more about stamina, agility, technique, and tactical development. Once you get past the overt sexism of your original post ("girls are bigger wusses than boys" is so Brady Bunch, man... time to grow up), I think you'd find that your interpretation of Malouda's observation to be plain wrong.
Jon

Chris, translation aside, I think you missed Malouda's point.

What he said is valid and accurate.
chris

Totally missed the entire point. There is no best. Any other argument is the ridiculous part - and very presumptive.
chris

"Yeah, that’s pretty much what I said. When you’re playing with instinct, you’re not taking the time to think. Instinct doesn’t mean brainless, but I didn’t say that either."

This has always been about the difficulty of training. Period.

"it’s pretty much universally acknowledged"

Seriously, your French argument is highly biased and based on word of mouth? From whom? Is this a quantitative argument? Absolutely nothing to back your statement other than being a fan of L1. Plenty of countries produce just as much, if not more talent which is more productive at a higher level than France - production levels which are often cyclical. What are we basing "talent" on? Is it trophies won? Is it money made? Is it the eyes of the Ballon D'Or voters - presented by a French magazine? Or just "you should know" France produced players are better? For which style of play or league? For the long run? Short term? Would you like me to give you a list of African or Asian or South American born players Serie A clubs have produced? Or the Bundesliga, which has produced some damn fine talent from outside of Europe? Hell, I might even make the argument that Real and Barca alone wipe the lot of France off the map - not legitimately, but you get the point. How is this even close to being "universally recognized" or so definitive as to say "no country produces so many talents on a yearly basis like France"? It smells more of an agenda than a substantive, unifying argument, no offense.
Laurie

Oh, and btw, Chris, for an Italy fan to take the French to task for diving? Humorous.
Laurie

As the flip side to what Maloudda said, when Milan Baros moved from the EPL to France, he described the French game as much slower. I think his exact words in describing the EPL were, "When you touch the ball, they eat your legs."

I'd find that a bit terrifying myself.

I'm still looking for the original French article. I'm finding paragraphs quoted at Football.fr, but not the original. Did he really use the word "terrifying"? That just doesn't sound right.
Lupo562

Wow this is an epic battle. Can you two make this a weekly thing?

By the way, Chris definitely wins this one. I mean for churning out the best youth, that U21 record for France is pathetic.
chris

So if you're at least going to make a statement like that, base it on some sort of fact. For your viewing pleasure:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F...
chris

It is a very ridiculous statement. Especially when it's so subjective and based on zero fact.

Your quote: 'Malouda’s point was that his teammates play more with their hearts (and not as much with their heads).'

The interviewer: 'What he means by that, is you find instinct, spontaneity, what you find when you start, and he absolutely loves it. Nothing could be more from Florent's mind than the idea that football is brainless, and the same goes for many of the misquotes published in the English press today.'

This isn't about your interpretation, it's about what he said. Which is "the training is terrifying". You make a lot of sweeping generalizations. When he was saying training at Chelsea is hard (which others who have left and gone to play other places, including inside the EPL, have said).
chris

"No country produces so many talents on a yearly basis like France"

Well that's not a ridiculous and subjective statement. There's a long line waiting to disagree with you.

A lot of this has nothing to do with the the point of original discussion. Youth development is a huge issue with national performance. The "rigor" at Chelsea, however, has nothing - or very little - to do with the plight of the Three Lions. Methods of youth (lack of) development at the academies, yes, absolutely. But there are plenty of clubs that work like Chelsea in other countries with varying degrees of success. And a few in England that don't, yet still can't get England to win anything.

Again, the original quote:

“They are just like matches, and you go flat out."

Nothing said about technical quality or sophistication. Only referring to the level of intensity.
chris

Well that's discussing youth development, which is different than the type of training you're going to get for Chelsea or Bordeaux. And it's quite obvious something needs to change at the lower levels if they want to pump out world class talent. However, I still don't think changing training methods is going to do enough for the national team. (They have, after all, won all of one major trophy.)
Ian

I think there's something to David's argument, though you're right that it's not the whole picture. Everyone worth listening to in English football basically agrees that there's a problem with how English academies teach players, and that English academies rarely, if ever, produce young players with the sort of technical savvy or flair that South American or Continental European academies do. But, yeah, there's also the fact that the English think they are the top of the pile even when they're not even in it. It's hard to improve when you blindly believe you're already the best.
chris

Well tactical savvy and technique are a much different subject than the rigor and mentality of training sessions. There's nothing to say that a rigorous and "last game of my life" attitude can't be technical as well. I won't argue most on the mainland appear to have a greater sense of technique compared to the island, but I would also venture to guess the same mentalities could be found in one or more clubs in France amongst the sophistication. It could be a very small part, but it's a much deeper issue for the lions.
David Keyes

Yes, but all (or most) of those players grew up in France where training methods are, I imagine, more sophisticated than they are in England. I think this plays a large part in French players developing the technique, tactical savvy, etc. that English players (even the best ones) often lack.
chris

No, because many of those players were spending their training time in the run up to the tournament with teams outside of France.

I think it's just because England isn't as good as everyone thinks they are when compared to everyone else.
David Keyes

Don't you think, though, that differences in training methods between France and England at least partly explain why France has won the European Championships and World Cup in recent years while England has done nothing or the sort (and of course didn't even qualify for Euro 2008)?
Mat

Although I know they messed up the translation on Malouda..but on the lighter side what a great article Chris :)...As a football (both American and THE REAL) fan living in America I cannot stop smiling at all the references..and this Parcels one from 1996!!...that might have taken some serious research/memory..and what else..we keep seeing Parcels' adverts here in which they make fun of his comments too...great read..keep up the good work..makes my day at least
Bernd

Actually, this is just the case of the British media spinning a story to sell papers or attract people to their websites. Congratulations, you took the bait... where's that link again?
Martha

God damn. Why you got to go and bring AI into this? He would kick Florent's ass.