Help Wanted: David Beckham Security Guard
By: Bob | February 9th, 2007
Position description: To provide round-the-clock security protection to an international celebrity and his family in Hollywood, California. Must be willing to risk one’s life to prevent harm to the celebrity’s right foot from occurring. Need not worry about the left foot since it is hardly ever used anyway. Must also protect said celebrity’s cars from being stolen.
Qualifications: Junior high school education or less (wouldn’t want to make the boss jealous). Must not be allergic to perfume. Willingness to turn a blind eye when boss spends a lot of alone time with his personal assistant. Tolerance for 90s girl band music appreciated. Extra points if you have ever read anything by L. Ron Hubbard. Must be a U.S. citizen.
Compensation: Less than $250 million over five years.
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Category: MLS
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