MLS 2008 Preview: FC Dallas

By: Daryl | March 25th, 2008

Juan Toja, MLS Preview 2008

MLS 2008 is even closer today than it was yesterday, so definitely time for another team preview with one of our awesome MLS bloggers. Today we see what the season holds for FC Dallas, courtesy of Robert from Dallas Offside…

Nuts and Bolts:

Last year FC Dallas began the campaign like God’s Favorite Band; with Carlos Ruiz at the helm and at least 10,000 Maniacs in the stands, even in Houston they were saying “They Might Be Giants.” Unfortunately Ruiz started the season off like a Half Man Half Biscuit and quite honestly some had Faith No More. But the team didn’t turn into Supreme Beings Of Leisure, they began to play better than a Band Of Swans as Juan Toja propped them up like Santa’s Libido. Colour Me Psycho but I thought these Flock of Seagulls could win the Big Pig. As the season wore on though the team turned into the Incoming Wounded and all the Rage of Paris couldn’t stop the Body Bags. With few healthy, talented players available FC Dallas was Eyeless in Gaza and even I began to think that while Pigs Are Cute our early season form was destined to be seen as a One Hit Wonder. Even still the team was a Wonderful Broken Thing, playing as if they found Dad’s Porno Mag they made a run to the US Open Cup Final where they fell to Jodie Foster’s Army, those Butthole Surfers. We finished the season like Toothless Judy playing those White Trash Debutantes in the first round of the playoffs and while we had at least Eight Bold Souls who attempted to Destroy All Monsters we eventually Disappointed A Few People.

This year we’re Scrapping The Fetus Off The Wheel and hoping there are no Broken Legs At Dawn. We plan on being Big In Japan like Girls Under Glass as Captain Moo And The Peanut Butter Scouts unleash the Four Stablehands Of The Apocalypse upon the Tribe of Butterflies that is MLS.

(For what I know all those bands were/are real)

The star:

People who don’t know meet Juan Toja. Juan Toja meet the people who don’t know. There, you have now been properly introduced. Say “hi” to him when you see him, he’s the one with the hair.

DP or not?

We had Denilson, Denilson failed. I don’t think FC Dallas will be traveling down that road again anytime soon.

The newcomers:

While it’s rare to call someone with 80 caps and over 400 appearances in the Mexican First Division any kind of newcomer, Duilio Davino has been brought in to help shore up a defense that was, at best, iffy last season. Also look for Andre Rocha in the middle of the field, you won’t be able to miss him, he’s 6’1” and in soccer terms that’s a giant. Hopefully he will be able to control the middle of the pitch and allow Juan Toja to be Juan Toja.

Keep an eye on:

Arturo Alvarez. Peter Nowak was a fool for dropping him, no matter how the Olympics turn out. I’m not going to tell you what he looks like or what number he’s wearing just watch for the most creative guy on the field, the one shaking defenders like one of those old And1 Streetball clips. That’ll be Artuto.

We’ll win the league if…?

If we can score enough goals. Toja and Alvarez will create the chances; FC Dallas’ biggest question mark will be who will finish them. Nobody up top has ever had to be the man and now that Carlos Ruiz will be scoring in bunches out in LA* someone will have to step up. Kenny Cooper, Dominic Oduro, Ricardihno, maybe somebody else, I don’t know who but if it happens tell the league to go ahead and buy an FC Dallas championship faceplate for the MLS trophy (I would say “engrave” but for some reason I don’t think they do that).

*I have May 27th in the “when will LA Galaxy blogger Laurie do a 180 on Carlos Ruiz and love him” pool

We’ll be in trouble if…?

I once asked the question “can the defense get any worse?” and the resounding answer was “No,” but in all honesty it could. Now I don’t think it will happen. But last year FC Dallas had one of the worst defenses in the league with four in the back. I think until some results are in its logical to ask the question “How is the defense going to be better with one less guy helping out?” Coach Steve Morrow would say “We’re putting more midfielders on the pitch. Midfield is our strength and that should alleviate some of the pressure on the back” and then he’d probably say something about not taking his Lucky Charms (cause he’s Irish.) But until then consider me in wait-and-see mode.

You might not know…

There is still no universal ruling on whether the term “Hoops” or “Red Stripes” shall be used as the official nickname. This blogger has been pushing for “Hoops” since I began writing here, while ESPN has taken up the cause of the “Red Stripes.” Recent jersey changes may be the tipping point but I will continue to fight on against tWWL.

MLS’ best stadium is rarely filled to capacity yet the team routinely ends the year in the black. That says a lot about the FC Dallas suits, I don’t know if there is an award out there for executive of the year (like in the NBA), but if there is these guys should be on a three or four year winning streak.

I propose an FC Dallas drinking game for matches to be shown on ESPN (that way everybody can join the fun)