The MLS Gear We’d Really Like to See

By: Laurie | May 12th, 2008

MLS keeps sending me emails trying to get me to buy stuff. You know. Coffee mugs. T-shirts. Posters. And my personal favorite, the David Beckham wastebasket. (Pictured.)

Thing is, I don’t want any of this stuff. I’m thinking that if MLS really wants to make money, they should give us the things that would really come in handy this season:

• Houston Dynamo and DC United Commemorative Straws. So you, too, can suddenly start sucking.
• San Jose Expansion Team dehumidifier and bright lights. To make dwelling in the cellar a little more bearable.
• Personal Landon Donovan Pre-Penalty-Kick Ritual Routine Generator. Have you been doing wrist kiss, wrist kiss, turf touch, cross yourself, turf touch, when the ritual that really would have made the difference was wrist kiss, wrist kiss, turf touch, turf touch, cross yourself? For the right fee, Landon Donovan’s personal trainer will come to your house to help you find the personalized ritual that’s right for you!
• Seattle Sounders Recycling Bin. For those names you just can’t throw away.
• Kyle Beckerman comb. Oh, wait. Never mind.
• Save the Developmental Player Sponsorship. For a low monthly fee, you’ll receive a photo of your player, a copy of his college degree, and a personal letter where he will express his undying gratitude to you for helping him move out of his parents’ basement and into a two-bedroom double-wide which he now shares with the other nine developmental players from his club.
• David Beckham wastebasket. For all the rules and regulations that don’t apply to the LA Galaxy in the Beckham era.

(On second thought, sometimes MLS marketing does come up with a good idea all on its own.)

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Comments  

• Matt |  May 12th, 2008 at 1:23 pm

  
  
  

  David Beckham wastebasket: It may be great, but with trash in it, it still stinks…

  Posted from United States

  

• Steve |  May 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

  
  
  

  love it

  Posted from United States

  

• akeem |  May 12th, 2008 at 1:39 pm

  
  
  

  It’s funny, I already have one of them wastebaskets. However mine is this stinking Chivas USA one. Great post Laurie!

  Posted from United States

  

• aja |  May 12th, 2008 at 1:45 pm

  
  
  

  i would totally sponsor a developmental player.

  Posted from United States

  

• Albert |  May 12th, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  
  
  

  the pic and logo need to be on the interior portion of the waste basket.

  Posted from United States

  

• Johnny |  May 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm

  
  
  

  How about an “Alexi Lalas Outrageous Quote of the Day Calendar” ?

  Sepp Blatter should already have one.

  Posted from United States

  

• Rob |  May 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm

  
  
  

  This made me smile alot, even the stuff I didn’t get the references to.

  Posted from United Kingdom

  

• Laurie |  May 12th, 2008 at 3:44 pm

  
  
  

  Oh, Johnny, that sounds like a perfect Offside post. I’m going to have to start a collection.

  Posted from United States

  

• Laurie |  May 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm

  
  
  

  Rob, yeah, I was wondering if I should do a British translation.

  Posted from United States

  

• Juliet |  May 12th, 2008 at 4:18 pm

  
  
  

  Houston Dynamo and DC United Commemorative Straws. So you, too, can suddenly start sucking.

  Beautiful. I’ll send the first lot to DCU myself.

  Posted from United States

  

• Melissa |  May 12th, 2008 at 5:14 pm

  
  
  

  I don’t know why you are knocking the cellar. It’s not so bad down here.

  Posted from United States

  

• ben |  May 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm

  
  
  

  Awesome. I can totally see the TV spot for the Developmental Player Sponsorship: on a muddy practice field somewhere outside of Columbus, half a dozen developmental players scramble to grab pairs of unsold purple and yellow cleats donated by Joma. They don’t care that the shoes are fugly, or that they aren’t the right size, they’re just happy to have something to put on their feet. Then Marcelo Balboa walks up and says, “for just pennies a day, you can help make a difference in the life of a struggling MLS developmental player. Call now.”

  Posted from United States

  

• Laurie |  May 12th, 2008 at 8:44 pm

  
  
  

  You know what’s funny? No matter how clever I imagine I’ve been in writing posts like this, you guys always manage to take it to the next level.

  Posted from United States

  

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