Derby d’Italia: Serie A Is Exciting Again

It’s quite strange to consider the Derby d’Italia just that these days, as the two clubs represented are one which has worn the lone black eye (just or not) for Calciopoli and another which stands a very good chance of donating zero Italians to Roberto Donadoni’s Swissaustria squad this summer. Not to mention the Derby was originally coined because it involved the only two teams yet to be relegated from Serie A which, as we all know, is not true anymore. But it is what it is.

I would first of all like to formally request that Alessandro Del Piero be pee tested with immediate effect, because it is not, in fact, 1997. And would he also please return Simone Perrotta’s cement finishing shoes to their rightful owner (after the end of the season, of course).

Actually, the real reasoning for Del Piero’s otherworldly, nigh unfathomable performance was none other than this, Roberto Donadoni’s squad list for the mid-week friendly against Spain. A list which Alex is not on, in favor of Marco Borriello, currently the second leading scorer in Serie A. So Alex turned on the juice, hopped into his DeLorean and sped back to 1997 for a quick recharge. Then he sliced and diced the knees of Marco Materazzi and Nicholas Burdisso like a Hattori Hanzo. (The latter needing no help from anyone in sucking complete ass; he does fine all by his lonesome.) While giving a big fat “vaffanculo” to Roberto Donadoni, being the hands down MOTM for the 2-1 Juve win and forcing the Fox Soccer commentator to mess his pants in the process.

The first goal which, as I’m sure you’ll hear from Inter supporters, came via a very offside Mauro Camoranesi, who took a cross in the box and coolly slotted it past Julio Cesar. The second goal came from the French goal poacher himself, David Trezeguet, who probably got a little pre-game inspiration from the always classy Materazzi, resulting in his post-game revenge. Inter got one back from Maniche, who’d parked his barcalounger in front of the goal mouth, which is the only way you can put them past Gigi Buffon.

The game, Alex-magic and all, was Inter’s to draw, at the very least, and perhaps win, with Dejan Stankovic missing a header in the 6 yard box with a sans-Gigi goal mouth waiting to welcome the ball, and Maniche rocketing one off the post in the dying minutes. Buffon also, as he’s apt to do, made a fantastic “only I can do this” save on Cristian Chivu’s drive. Alas, it wasn’t to be.

* – Also, if someone can find the video, one of the greatest dives you’ll ever see from Pavel Nedved. It’s a wonder any referee still gives him calls.

What this means for Serie A is, coupled with Roma’s 10-man win over Empoli, what was supposed to be a dour one man race to the title is still on. Only four points separate the two, with Inter – the supposed “unbeatables” – having only won two of their last nine and Roma taking a tour of the bottom of the table for much of the next two months. Another boring one horse race, for all but Nerazzurri fans, is now turning out to perhaps have a nice little finish.

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Category: Serie A