In Celebration of Ray Hudson

We’ve already declared our love for Ray Hudson here on The Offside, and we’re not ashamed of it. The GolTV commentator can liven up the dullest game with his uncanny ability to invent insanely brilliant phrases, and shout them out in his fantastic Geordie-American amalgam accent. And if he’s on the mic during an exciting game… then you better look out. Now there’s an entire website devoted to Hudson’s work. Hudsonia – The Wisdom of Ray Hudson is a blog cataloging highlights of the great man’s utterances, mostly from his work on GolTV’s La Liga coverage. Transcribing his words each week and also providing audio clips, including my recent favourite from Valencia vs Real Madrid: “Look at that! We know he’s a defender but he’s like a fish up a tree with this finish.” It’s a worthy project and endlessly entertaining. Selected Hudson highlights below.

“You’ve got to put him in chains, put him inside a bank vault, put him on a ship, take the ship out to the ocean, sink the ship, and you know what? He’ll still get out.”

“Esoteric. That’s all I can say. There’s more flair in this team, in this club, than a nineteen-seventies high-school reunion. This is a cabaret goal, again. And he’s Liza Minnelli. Perfect placement, perfect dynamic, perfect free-kick.”

“The ball’s trapped in between Raúl’s legs. Keita doesn’t matter what ball he kicks, he’s gonna get something.”

“This referee, man, I tell you, he’s having a Marge Simpson haircut day”

“We called him the bionic man earlier. Superman, Spiderman, magic man. He’s Macedonian, I know that for sure …”

“A goal is a dream with a deadline. And this one is a wet dream.”

“Metzelder hesitates like a three-legged giraffe, here. All the dexterity of a bull elephant, the big man, here, that’s embarrassing. And that is capitalised off beautifully. Look at Metzelder, he’s all a-wobbly. And Xisco goes disco.”

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Category: Spain La Liga, World Football