Lionel Messi Now Starring In Spitgate

Sweet little Lionel Messi’s reputation is in a spot of trouble. Late in this weekend’s 4-1 win over Malaga, Messi was roaming around and bumped into the back of Duda, Portuguese winger from the Andalusian club. Duda clearly doesn’t enjoy being bumped from behind by men, so he turned around and recited a love sonnet which was not up to the standards of one Messiah, and a bit of spittle was flung in his direction in lieu of applause. At least, that’s how it appears from the above video.

This could be considered out of character for innocent Lionel, but as far as I’m concerned, nothing should be considered “out of character” on any playing surface. The nicest guys can turn in the heat of the battle, and all it takes is one lapse in judgment. There’s going to be some sort of investigation, and if he is found guilty – Pep Guardiola’s words seem to indicate there’s at least a modicum of truth in the accusations – the halo will probably be removed, but it won’t destroy his reputation.

But now we get to play What did Duda say?. I’d like to think it involves Lionel’s mother, Robinho, a bisexual plumber named Guillermo, some Danet yogurt and a snorkel. But that’s pure speculation at this point. Just, whatever you do, don’t print it. That one could hurt a bit.

Until the truth sets us free, we can just say he was pissed after playing rugby on a Slip N’Slide for however many minutes he was on the pitch.

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Category: Spain La Liga