Transfer Talk: Cristiano Ronaldo Would Cost How Much?!?

Well, my calendar says it’s January. So where are all the transfers already? No one seems to have signed anyone yet, unless you count Leicester City’s capture of Steve Howard and Barry Hayles. Which unless you live in the East Midlands of England you probably don’t. The problem, as you’ll see below, is that big teams only want to sign quality players. And no one wants to sell their quality players. So Dimitar Berbatov, Cristiano Ronaldo and (especially) Sergio Ramos have all had gigantic, prohibitive and borderline ridiculous price tags slapped on their heads and the transfer market remains stuck in first gear.

Chelsea have been told to break the British record transfer fee if they want to get their filthy rich hands on Tottenham’s Dimitar Berbatov, which means he’ll cost more than the £30 million already spent on Andriy “but he was quite good in that one game against Aston Villa” Shevchenko. Spurs boss Sergio Juande Ramos further confused the situation with the following bit gobbledy-gook: “At this moment Berbatov’s value is more than this price. At least that is what we think. But everyone has a price.” That settles that then.

Berbatov’s price is high, but at least it makes some kind sense. The next two transfer rumours feature numbers so big it might make your eyes explode. You’ve been warned.

Manchester United have responded to Real Madrid’s headline generating interest in Cristiano Ronaldo by valuing the lad at €100m (£73.9m.) And that’s just to get to the negotiating table. Apparently Madrid tentatively offered €60m (£44.3m) and were told to go away and not come back unless they have a numer with three figures in it. That’s not so much Manchester United naming a price as Manchester United telling Madrid to eff off and never darken the Old Trafford doorway again.

And if you think that seems steep then wait till you hear what Real Madrid are asking for Sergio Ramos. AC Milan have been sniffing around the young Spanish defender, mostly because signing him would bring the average age of Milan’s defence back down into the mid-40s. But Madrid have told Milan that Ramos is available for no less than £120m. If you can still read this then that means your eyes haven’t exploded, so well done you. Don’t worry, things get more sensible from here on out.

We already know Jens Lehmann is leaving Arsenal for Germany any day now and slamming the Emirates Stadium door behind him in a huff. The location of Lehmann’s next high profile mistake and/or temper tantrum could be Borussia Dortmund, although there’s some debate about how heavy his wage packet is going to be.

Like any good doorman at a fancy club, Arsene Wenger operates a strict one-in one-out policy. So Lehmann’s departure means Wenger doing some shopping. And because it’s Wenger that means Lehmann’s replacement will be 1) young and 2) non-British. Step forward Espanyol B keeper Kiko Casilla, your Carling Cup destiny is calling.

Everyone knows Newcastle United need defenders, but Manchester United aren’t doing them any favours and have rejected Sam Allardyce’s approach for Wes Brown. Which is weird because Brown is out of contract in the summer a now almost injry-free Gary Neville is getting ready to reclaim his spot at right back, which has a “reserved” plaque on it.

When Real Madrid signed young Dutch left winger Royston Drenthe on the back of a few good Euro Under 21 Championship performances, even his then club Feyenord said wasn’t ready for a big move and needed another season in the Dutch ErieDivisie oven. Turns out they were right as Drenthe has spent the first half of the La Liga season getting splinters. Chelsea and Milan were intersted six months ago and may still hold a candle for Drenthe, with Maseille, Roma and Fiorentina all considered as possible destinations.

Another misguided Madrid wantaway is Jerzy Dudek, who wasn’t happy waiting for a game in goal behind Pepe Reina at Liverpool, so thought a move to Real Madrid to wait and hope for Iker Casillas to pick up a career-threatening injury was the way to go. But lo and behold Casillas is just fine and Dudek is once more complaining about wanting first team football. No offers have come in yet, but my advice to Dudek would be to aim a little lower and play some football before retirement catches up with him.

Hamburg’s Dutch playmaker and (according to Martha) “transfer window man-whore” Rafael Van Der Vaart could get his wish and be heading to Juventus in the near future. He’s refusing to sign a new contract and Hamburg aren’t keen to let him go for a pre-agreed €1 million in the summer, so they’ll happily flog him to Juve for €15 million right now.

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Category: English Premier League, Leagues, Serie A, Spain La Liga