Ronaldo Gets The Dreaded Tranny Surprise

By: chris | April 28th, 2008

God I love it when Brazilians have time to party. Ronaldo (The Phenomenal One then The Fat One then The Symptomatic Fat One and now finally The Injured One) has been chillin’ back in Brazil trying to rest the leg and get back onto the pitch ASAP. So in order to score on the pitch, one’s gotta be scoring off of it (duh); thus Mr. Ronron decided to pick up a couple of working women for the evening. Only when he got them back to his motel, he got hit with the tranny surprise.

My only beef with this whole situation is that we don’t know when Ronaldo found out his chicks had man parts, clearly the key part in any transvestite discovery. Did the hookers come into the motel room, flick on the light and Ronnie discovered a chest rug popping out of their cleavage? Or did the street cars drown out their baritone voices pre-motel? Or did “Alexandra” suddenly get a joystick mid-frolicking? See, these are questions we need answered. Step it up, global media.

Actually, upon second thought, I really don’t need an answer to those questions. At least not the last one. Probably not the first one either. But at least a picture of the moment Ronaldo found out his “women” were packing, which I guess would look something like this.

* - And seriously, a “motel”? Doesn’t he make enough change to get a high-class champagne girl up to the Ritz Rio or something? Come on, Ronnie, be champion.

So what happened was Ronaldo, looking for a good time, went on the prowl for some chicks he could pay for pleasure. (My, how the mighty have fallen. Can you see the Ronnie at Barca or Inter paying for good times in Brazil? Please.) Ronron meets these chicks “earlier in the night”, meaning this was at least planned out and disastrous from the get-go, and they went back to the motel. In pure form, Ronaldo admitted he did, in fact, want to hire the “ladies” to service him. So no mistake there.

Apparently upon learning he was dealing with penises, Ronnie offered to pay the trannies anyway (class move, that), and asked to call it a night. And here’s where the police come in. Said trannies, or at least one of them, then asked for $30,000 to keep the news out of the press, which is extortion. The (wo)man of the night also said Ronron asked where he could buy some drugs (presumably the ones he was already on, failing to notice he was dealing with a couple Y chromosomes). They were brought to the police station and left immediately without giving their full stories to the popo, so it seems like Ronnie was in the right. (He’s denied taking drugs evah, which is totally believable because a couple lines of Pablo’s baby powder would’ve knocked those love handles off years ago.)

What a reputation hit for a guy on the way down in his career, eh? There is no possible upside to getting shocked with a couple of prostitutes who turn out to be men, with the story eventually making its way the global media. Also nice to see how things run in the Milan “family”. Let’s see: first there was Calciopoli; then last year Marco Borriello gets busted for the STD cream he’s using which contains a banned substance - the substance in question attempting to cure the stiddies he got from his sluttastic girlfriend; now this. What’s next? Kaka found in a ménage à trois with a couple of Buddhist monks? The Manson “family” had less fuck ups.

And for the love of Gesu, would people named Ronaldo please stay away from hookers. Clearly there are red flashing lights everywhere.

* - Bruno has a slightly different, though no less juicy version of the event. Plus a pic of one of the transvestites.