Champions League Matchday 6: The Final 16 are Set

By: Bob | December 6th, 2006

The group play of the Champions League has officially come to an end and we now know the names of the 16 teams that will take part in the knockout round. Today’s action saw an impressive performance from Manchester United, an expected outcome from Arsenal and Porto, and the discovery that the players on Lille do, in fact, have testicles. Here is a recap of all the fun and games.

Dynamo Kiev 2 Real Madrid 2
Playing a game in Ukraine in December might make you jump aboard the Sepp Blatter summer schedule plan. Dynamo Kiev had themselves a whale of a time knocking it around Real Madrid for most of the match, but it is the Spanish team that will be advancing in the competition while the Kiev side will have to stay at home and watch on satellite tv. Ronaldo appears to be gaining form, scoring a late brace. David Beckham did play. In related news, millions of teenage girls in Asia experienced their first orgasm today.

Lyon 1 Steaua Bucharest 1
For some unknown reason, Alou Diarra’s name reminds me of a time when I caught an intestinal bug in Kazakhstan and sat on a toilet for a week straight. The Lyon midfielder knocked in Lyon’s goal to give the French champs the top slot in Group E. With their third place finish, Steaua will join the other not so popular kids in that little competition called the UEFA Cup.

Manchester United 3 Benfica 1
This game was responsible for millions of people having to listen to Tommy Smythe babble on ESPN for 90 minutes. It turned out to be a decent match for the first 60 minutes. Benfica got on the board first thanks to a brilliant strike by Nelson. Just when you thought Man U. would bow out of the Champions League, Vidic scored right before the half. A second half goal by Ryan Giggs (having a great year, ain’t he?) from a beautiful cross from Cristiano Ronaldo and a header from Luis Saha gave Man U the win and top billing in Group F. Benfica will be a tough cookie in the UEFA Cup.

Copenhagen 3 Celtic 1
Celtic gets today’s prize for indifference. The Scottish leaders must have been hungover from their win last round against Manchester United because they simply had their arses handed to them by a very mediocre Copenhagen team. Celtic finishes second in their group and have yet to show they have what it takes to win away from home in the Champions League. By the way, we have a new Celtic Offside blog, but don’t blame us for the loss.

Porto 0 Arsenal 0
This game was likely decided before the players even put on their uniforms. Both sides would go through with a tie and lo and behold they played for 90 minutes without scoring. Can’t say I blame either team, but this couldn’t have been a fun one for fans to watch. Arsenal finishes atop the group with the tie.

Hamburg 3 CSKA Moscow 2
CSKA needed to win and have a result in the Porto-Arsenal match. Neither of those things happened and as a result they’ll join fellow Russian side Spartak in the UEFA Cup. Credit to Hamburg, who had been a punching bag in this competition and who have been lousy this year in general, but today they came to play and they brought tears to CSKA’s eyes.

Anderlecht 2 AEK 2
In what was probably their biggest game in many years, AEK Athens failed to show up for the first 75 minutes. Not literally. They weren’t stuck in traffic or anything, but they might as well have been, giving up the first two goals before they woke up and earned a draw. Needing a win to stay alive, they lost and their punishment will be a trip to the UEFA Cup.

AC Milan 0 Lille 2
Milan had nothing to play for in this one, so play they did not. Lille had everything to play for, so play they did. The result was what you would expect even though Milan was playing at home. Lille grabs the group’s second spot, while Milan finishes first.

The draw for the knockout round of the Champions League will be on December 15. Considering the history and the talent of the 16 remaining teams, the competition should be a great one from here on out.

Your final 16:

Group A
Chelsea
Barcelona

Group B
Bayern Munich
Inter Milan

Group C
Liverpool
PSV Eindhoven

Group D
Valencia
Roma

Group E
Lyon
Real Madrid

Group F
Manchester United
Celtic

Group G
Arsenal
Porto

Group H
AC Milan
Lille