Champions League Nail Biters On The Final Day (Pt. I)

Without a doubt most of neutral European eyes will be cast to the northwest of Italy for the battle of proper behemoths, as Italy’s most successful takes on Germany’s greatest trophy haulers. And, just as assuredly, it should be a good game based on that stature alone.

But if you’re an honest neutral, one with visions of goals, glorious goals, dancing in their head, then might we suggest taking a look at the game taking place in Wolfsburg. If our recommendation alone (it should) doesn’t quite do the trick, then just look at the Manchester United squad list. Because they’ll be looking at plenty of the above video, and chances are it won’t be pretty.

All games “matter”, to some degree, but these are the ones which actually, ahem, “matter”.

Group A

Juventus v Bayern It seemed the cliche of last week was that Juventus would need to play perfectly in order to beat Inter in the Derby d’Italia. They didn’t, and yet they did (2-1). This would seem to indicate they’re a good team, a notion which has never really been in doubt, and that Bayern, still not quite the Bavarian giants one would expect them to be, will have difficulties picking up three points in Torino. They will indeed.

They might’ve received a lifeline, however, as Gianluigi Buffon, that guy who occasionally save things, picked up an injury and thus his status is in question. Alex Manninger has performed admirably in his stead before, but he ain’t quite Gigi. And perhaps less than the actual absence would be the emotional and mental surge to a team like Bayern, which could desperately use it.

Meanwhile Luca Toni will be fined the maximum for cavorting with every Italian DS he can rope into a meeting during the match.

Group B

Wolfsburg v Manchester United Normally one would say that even a Manchester United with nothing to gain nor lose would still pose a threat, but unconfirmed rumor has it Sir Alex phoned up Steve Bruce to see if he’d fancy lacing them up one more time.

That’s a joke, but only sort of. Were this any sort of game which mattered for them (top of the group is still in play, but Fergie says “eh”), this tandem of sentences would draw tears from the most hardened of United supporters:

Evra, normally a left-back, is likely to partner Michael Carrick in central defence with Darren Fletcher at right-back and, possibly, Ji-Sung Park at left-back. Gill, until recently a pupil at Manchester Grammar School, could play a part.

Evra being the only fit senior team defender on the trip along with youngster Oliver Gill, whose main qualification seems to be that his father runs the damn club.

As for Wolfsburg, they write their own ticket. With a defense like that, they need only pen two words: Dzeko. Grafite.

Besiktas v CSKA Moscow The Russians’ task is simple: win more points than Wolfsburg. No word yet if they’ve begun offering defenders to ManU.

Group C

Finally, some honest-to-goodness intrigue:

Real Madrid: Through with a Milan loss/draw; a win, draw or a loss if Marseille wins by 3+ goals along with a Milan win. In short, unless Marseille beats them roughly 8-5 and Milan wins too, they’re through.

Milan: Through with a win; a draw if Marseille lose/draw.

Marseille: Through with a win if Milan draw/lose and needing a big win (3+ goals) if Milan win; a draw if Milan lose.

Zurich: All about the pride.

Marseille v Real Madrid Marseille have been good and not so good at home: 6-1 over Zurich and 2-1 reverse to Milan. Real, on the other hand, have taken some flat good results away: 5-2 in Switzerland and one-all at the San Siro. This would not seem to predict a 3+ goal loss, unless red cards start flying. Speaking of, Ronaldo is back, which is obviously a worry, but the big worry is they need a big win, because the chances that Milan – a now in-form Milan – don’t exact some revenge on Zurich are slim.

Zurich v Milan See above and recite “vintage Ronaldinho” until you get woozy.

Group D

Group D are the overachievers who turned in their thesis six weeks before it was due (while written in Sanskrit).

1. Chelsea (13)
2. Porto (9)
3. Atletico (3)
4. APOEL (2)

Well, the top two are at least. Atletico are the pot-smoking slackers writing the whole thing the night before in the hopes of skating by with the ever impressive D-.

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Category: Champions League