Champions League Week Four Predictions: No Way, José.

Last week we had David Beckham’s teary-eyed return to Manchester dominating the headlines.

This week we have…David Beckham dominating the headlines. Only this time, no one’s cheering.

Yet with David out of the limelight and onto the couch with some ice packs and an limitless supply of popsicles, it’s back to the Champions League we go for another nostalgic return. Jose met up with old lovers Chelsea at the San Siro, but this time he’ll be walking back into the old neighborhood, Stamford Bridge.

Jose, never one to shy away from reporters (unless he feels aggrieved), offers up his thoughts on The Return (not quite The Rapture):

“I feel sorry, but I look forward,” Mourinho said of his departure from Chelsea after falling out of favour with Roman Abramovich, the club owner. “I feel sorry because when I look at the big four teams while I was in England they’re all still there. Sir Alex is there. Wenger is there. Benítez is there. I did more than enough to be here. But the decision was made.

“My celebrations will be more restrained if we win because it’s Chelsea,” he said. “But don’t confuse this emotional control with a lack of professionalism. I watched Inter v Chelsea seven times and gave everything to prepare for this game.

“I will give everything to try and help my team win. Before the game I know everybody and I love them, and after I know everybody and I love them. But for 90 minutes I know nobody.

“I think I will still be special whatever happens. I want to coach when I’m 70 and will still have things to prove. So after the game I will be the Special One. Win or lose.”

You’d think those 90 minutes would be the most important time to know everyone, wouldn’t you?

Tuesday

Chelsea (1) – Inter (2)

The two teams could not have had more different weekends going in: Chelsea shellacked fellow West Londoners West Ham 4-1 on Saturday, while Inter lost 3-1 on Friday to a team looking to make its annual skin-of-the-teeth relegation bullet dodge (on a positively audacious cucchiaio by Giuseppe Mascara when level against the best team in the league and less than ten minutes remaining).

Yet the league means little, and Inter are more than happy to tow into London with them the last Champions League result – not to mention Julio Cesar. Carletto won’t be so lucky, as he’s down to the number three, Ross Turnbull, who made his Prem debut way back on…Saturday.

There are more matchups than could be analyzed between now and when Mourinho turns 70, but that’s a big one, if not the big one. Expect Inter to test Turnbull early, often and then more often.

Prediction: The predictions have gone well by backing that ol’ history so far, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fit it.

In the two meetings between Ancelotti & Mourinho during the ‘08-08 Serie A season, Inter won their “home” match 2-1 and lost “away” 1-0. Yes, I fully understand what this implies, but I don’t care. Chelsea 1-0.

Bonus Prediction: Normally these are for snappy jokes, but not today: Ross Turnbull for MOTM.

Wait…scratch that first part.

Sevilla (1) v CSKA Moscow (1)

CSKA’s big chance was to freeze out Sevilla in the Russian home leg, but their fitness was a frosty as a February’s Moscow. In the three weeks since, they’ve played the Russian Super Cup (lost 1-0) and the opening weekend of the Russian Premier League (a 90+ 1-0 win). That’s probably not enough to snap them into some semblance of midseason form.

Sevilla, on the other hand, are in midseason form, at least by definition; fortunately for CSKA, that midseason form falls well short of scintillating: 4-2-5 in La Liga (7-3-8 overall) since the turn of the year amidst serious fixture congestion. But Luis Fabiano made his injury comeback this weekend – he missed the first leg – and
considering the commentator termed CSKA’s win on the weekend “an absolute robbery” (based on performance, not based on everything else you know about Eastern European football), featuring a one quarter-fit Alan Dzagoev, you’d have to think Sevilla are decent enough favorites.

Prediction: There’s every chance about one-fiftieth of the Champions League-watching population will be watching this, so I could say Sevilla π – CSKA π – x and it wouldn’t matter a bit. Or make a bit of sense. Sevilla 2-1

Bonus Prediction: Milos Krasic will sweat down to only Milos after forgetting a) to take off his ridiculous ‘I’m hiking Everest’ outfits, a b) that he’s in the south of Spain.

Rafa Benitez will then bid for Krasic.

Wednesday

Barcelona (1) v Stuttgart (1)

Two things are happening here:

i. Barca are a Rubin Kazan away from one of the most disappointing title defenses in recent history – perhaps the most disappointing based on the still dizzying year they had in 08-09.

ii. It’s Jens Lehmann’s last ever Champions League game.

One of these is more likely than the other, and thus…

Prediction: Supreme quality more often than not reigns. Barcelona 2-0

Bonus Prediction: Mad Jens gets sent off – fittingly – in his final Champions League game ever for peeing. On Messi.

Jens will then be taken down by the tae kwon do black belt Barca spent some €70m on to be Leo’s bodyguard.

Bordeaux (1) v Olympiacos (0)

The scoreline says Olympiacos have it all to do going into the French leg, but it only tells half the story: Bordeaux, as every good team competing across multiple fronts does at some time, are suffering through terrible fixture congestion. This will be their fourth game in ten days, having drawn twice and lost once in the previous three, with Lille looming on the weekend just two points back yet way down in joint-fourth. A once cushy lead at the top has been replaced by a pack of wolves five-deep smelling blood.

So unfortunately for Bordeaux, these are the types of runs which package multiple competitions into a nicely wrapped box with bow and send it hurtling into an incinerator.

Whether Olympiacos can capitalize on sure physical and mental fatigue is another question entirely.

Prediction: They can, but not quite enough. 1-1

Bonus Prediction: Raymond Domenech calls a surprise friendly to take place in Auckland on Tuesday, then only calls up Bordeaux players because ‘Orion told him to’.

Your turn:

Chelsea v Inter
Sevilla v CSKA
Barca v Stuttgart
Bordeaux v Olympiacos

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Category: Champions League