Toni Tells Kahn To Stick It (With His Boots)

By: chris | December 20th, 2007

The biggest news to come out of Bavaria recently was the criticism emanating from typically quiet, reserved and sane keeper, Oliver Kahn, who was directing his veiled vile towards the foreigners at the club. Bayern didn’t like this, fined him, suspended him, whatever.

While that’s all nice and dandy, the two players who were the target of Kahn’s wrath, Luca Toni and Franck Ribery, decided to take matters into their own hands. Luca’s voice was heard the loudest as he went completely bananas to the tune of 4 goals in the UEFA Cup on Wednesday, spearheading Bayern’s 6-0 win. And each of those goals started the exact same way: with Franck taking the ball down the left wing towards the box and putting his hand in on the effort. Afterwards, Mama Luca took to comforting Franck against his bosom as they realized everything’s going to be alright. Sticks and stones.

And in net, watching all of this fresh off his recent spell in the stands, was none other than Mr. Kahn himself. I wonder how he felt after Luca’s 4th goal. Maybe like a jackass? Little bit? Yeah?

Sure sure sure, it was against Aris Thessaloniki, a club which can’t compete with the truck loads of money shipped out of Munich last summer for various superstud purchases, but six goals is six goals, and four goals in European competition is no small feat. Even for a guy who took home Europe’s Golden Boot only two years ago.

None of Toni’s goals would be enough to set Arsene Wenger’s heart aflutter, with visions of Tonigol at the Emirates walking the ball across the goal line in a conga line with the rest of the Gooners. Actually they were all more like, “shit, is that a rebound? Gimme that.”. But all goals count the same on the score board, or so I’ve heard.

Goal scoring explosions are nice, but the moral of the story is this: Hey Olli, I think the foreigners are alright. Shut up already.

* – Jan also found the pic of the week, probably the month, maybe the year, with Mama Luca allowing the Bayern bambini to suckle on his teats. And metaphors aside, the look on Luca’s face making it seem as thought they’re doing exactly that.

** – And Angela has more Toni pictures, plus one of my favorites where Lukas Podolski looks only moderately enthused as compared to everybody else’s overexuberant. I wonder why.

Highlights:

6-0 Bayern Munich vs. Aris Saloniki | UEFA Cup
Uploaded by 90tsunni

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Category: Bundesliga, Europe, UEFA Cup

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Angela

Offside!Toni came out and did his thing. Oli will be quiet for a little bit, but not long. He always has something to say. Unfortunately, for me, I think it would be in Lukas' best interest to leave Bayern. His odds of being a starter as long as Miro and Toni are there are slim to none..
Magnusson

I don't believ Kahn to be a racist. A monumental asshole like his brother Jens Lehmann? sure. But i think he was super good friends with Manu Kuffour still
Jan

Chris, the racist, xenophobe and Arian remarks all popped up in the comments of those articles. That's why I wrote the Offside articles are 'misleading'. I know it's poking fun, that's why it got on my nerves to see people turning this into a stamping Kahn as racist thing so quickly and willingly.
chris

Jan, most everybody knows Olli is an ass. But I think we're just trying to poke fun at one isolated incident. I can't speak for everyone, but I try not to generalize as much as I can. Cause and effect varies greatly with reason. (And I'm not sure where it's being said that he's racist. By saying "the foreigners are alright", I just meant Toni and Ribery, the obvious targets of his statements.)
Laurie

I can always count on you for the man-love photos. Thanks, Chris.
Shazback

I honestly feel that Kahn's declarations are far from being dispelled by this game... Ribery still can't cross a ball properly (he attempted 3 crosses, none found a striker, although one was fumbled by the goalkeeper to Luca Toni), and Toni didn't once get away from his man-marker to create space, meaning he could only score off goalkeeping errors.

Look at the game differently, and put, say, Coupet, Casillas, Buffon or Cech in goal. Would Toni have scored once? Nope. Why? Because he didn't get away from his marker to be able to recieve passes to the feet and score. Would Ribery have any assists? Nope. Sure, he'd have tired out his defender, beaten him countless times, but a winger's role is also to give the ball to the striker, something that Ribery just didn't do against Aris.

In fact, if Coupet, Buffon, Cech or Casillas (or even Van der Sar, Reina or Kahn himself) were in goal, Bayern would have only won 1-0. And Lell would have scored it off a great pass by... Podolski.

Sure, every goal counts. But when a striker has only four shots in a game, and all four are from gross goalkeeper mistakes, then he's not doing his job properly, sorry. When a winger doesn't make one decent cross in a game, then it's worth peanuts that he can beat his man day in day out.

Toni has scored 1 goal in the last 8 Bundesliga games, and Ribery scores as many goals as he creates chances for the strikers (4 in 17 Bundesliga games) because he almost never makes a precise cross or through-ball.

I watched Bayern vs. Duisburg and honestly, you didn't think you were seeing the best team of the league playing against the 2nd worst... Ribery's crossing was poor, with balls that were too long or too short, only one that could have been a proper cross... But it dipped in front of the defender (Van Buyten). Toni was invisible, save a cheeky flick off a Lahm cross... Even when Bayern were 11 against 10 it never looked like Bayern would take the three points!
Jan

Oliver Kahn has been dissing plenty of "Arians" in his career and he got along fine with a shitload of foreigners at Bayern Munich. It's not like Ribery and Toni are Bayern's first ever foreigners. I find this "blaming the foreigners" stance that all Offside posts about his outburst take very misleading. He has been an ass towards his team mates, he showed no respect towards clubs like Fiorentina or Marseille, who are both great European clubs etc. That's one of many reasons why I never was much of a fan of him, even if I respect his goalkeeping qualities. But it really pisses me of to see, how willing people are to mark him as racist, xenophobe with an Arian superiority complex.
Christian

Good for Kahn. He's the captain yes? It's his job to get the troops riled up. He a CL and Bundesliga winner, and if his remarks get Bayern rolling again, then all power to him.