Transfer Talk: A February Summer Heat.

‘Twas the season, which means ’tis the season. ‘Tis the season to roll out the Cesc to Barcelona rumor machine. An annual festival with lots of Catalan floats looking curiously like Trojan horses, songs sung by Barcelona big wigs such as “I Love You, Cesc” and “Make Me Your Woman (Tonight)”, then finished off with a gate-crashing Arsene Wenger in tears.

This year, however, it looks like it may be the real deal. The year when Cesc finally leaves North London for Barcelona. Just like last year.

There are reports via the ever-reliable “unnamed sources” that Cesc has come to an oral agreement with Barcelona should they find a suitable fee with Arsenal (an initial phone which is bound to be met with the highly mature “fine, give us Xavi, Iniesta and a boat” response). This may be true, it may not. What is true, however, is that I’d bet Daryl’s bottom dollar Cesc winds up in the blaugrana next year. Call it a hunch. Or reason.

This would mean Barcelona will run out a midfield trio that, with one on top of the other, couldn’t combine vertically to form a real person. It also renders endless the comedic possibilities of a midfield + attack goal celebration featuring Cesc, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Pedro & Zlatan. “Suckle on the teats, my victorious sons.”

Arsenal have responded to these Cesc proclamations with a letter of impolite tone, snappily returned by Barca with a cookie-cutter apology and €10 off their next order.

Arsenal will also get Marouane Chamakh for free, along with the 3.5% of the Spanish GDP acquired in the Cesc deal. He’ll do great things like break double-digit goal totals once every four years.

Fresh news of the impending wage cuts at West Ham have alerted clubs all around the world of the many soon-to-unhappy players at Upton Park – most of the calls suspiciously coming from the players’ mobiles. Matthew Upson, the token Englishman allowed to be in transfer rumors abroad, is being courted by Luciano Spalletti’s new Zenit machine. Valon Behrami would like to trek all the way to Sicily. While Gianfranco Zola is just looking for an ownership that doesn’t say stupid shit midseason.

(Alex McLeish murmurs “you preach it, brothah” to the side.)

Barcelona, Arsenal & Manchester United all want Mohamed Zidan, according to proud papa Zidan. Which explains the whole thing, really.

David James will be sold for a soup and sandwich to be split 18 ways for a pregame meal to be named at a later date.

Nothing has crept to the fore just yet, but you can be damn sure Miguel will be on his way out of Valencia after mocking Unai Emery midgame.

If only because he couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag, unlike Antonio Cassano. Who’s probably eaten himself out of a human-sized paper bag on numerous occasions.

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Category: Transfer Talk