Transfer Talk: …And Talk And Talk And Talk.

Just because a player was once brilliant on the pitch doesn’t mean he’ll be brilliant off it in the front offices. See: Zinedine Zidane.

“Kaka has already signed for Real. I would be happy if he were to take my number, the No 5, I would not be jealous.”

Oops. Kind of moots that whole ‘Monday decision’, doesn’t it?

Meanwhile Florentino Perez would also like Franck Ribery – also wanted by Chelsea – and Cristiano Ronaldo to join Senor Kaka in the non-Galactico Galactico era. They may need up to €100m each: €100m to Bayern for Uli Hoeness’ free Bundesliga package; €100m for CR7 and the latest strain of Guatemalan influenza; and €100m to convince Sepp Blatter to allow them to play with three balls.

Perez isn’t much of a history buff, is he?

Meanwhile, it’s been confirmed that Real must bid for Ronaldo as they’ll suffer a €30m fine due to a pre-contract agreement if they don’t. Ramon Calderon couldn’t do anything right, could he? (Except for that whole ‘titles’ thing.)

And within days, another Milanese supremo – this time the slightly androgynous Massimo Moratti – was spotted in Spain with a big club president ‘just for chat & cookies’. Mmm hmm. So meeting Joan Laporta in Barcelona had nothing to do with Zlatan, right? Right? Right? Wrong.

Cristian Zapata is being pursued by “Juventus, Fiorentina, Milan, Arsenal and Villarreal”, according to Cristian Zapata. To be honest, it might’ve been easier to name the big clubs which don’t want him. (That’d be none.)

Liverpool sometimesback Andrea Dossena has requested a move out of England to a place where he can suck away from the watchful eye of the British media. That place: Juventus, where he wants to ’start a new life’. One in which he isn’t Andrea Dossena, preferably.

Milan are enjoying the post-Ancelotti era by pursuing a proper winger in Florent Malouda, announcing to the world they’re not sitting at home spilling tears of Christmas tree sadness into their dwindling tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

According to various disreputables, Ajax’s Thomas Vermaelen is on the verge of a big money move to the Emirates. According to Thomas Vermaelen, he has professional laryngitis: “Officially I still know nothing. I leave everything to my agent. Personally I have no voice.” According to us, it might be time for Thomas to swap representation.

Napoli are eying up the ‘new Maradona’…a 27 year old Peruvian named Roberto Merino who’s been playing in Serie B. Does this mean there’s a 42 year old central defender from Moldova’s third division who’s the new Pele?

Ashley Young will be running real fast to either Chelsea or Real Madrid – presumably as the consolation prize for the loser of the Ribery sweepstakes.

And finally, because Fridays are apparently reserved for big clubs only, the Valencia clear out will begin shortly, with David Villa heading to Chelsea and David Silva hopping a domestic flight to Madrid, who are aiming to do one decade’s worth of shopping in two weeks.

Some Related Stories:

Category: Transfer Talk