Transfer Talk: Mmmm…Barca.

A Spanish newspaper has reported that Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barca for Samuel Eto’o plus cash (€10m or so) is as good as his name. Italian betting syndicates have also closed wagers on any sort of move sending the big-beaked Swede Spain-side, which would indicate somebody knows something.

What the hell’s going on here? We’re not yet half way through June and all the major transfer sagas are wrapping up? These aren’t proper drag it out, go down kicking and screaming while testing our very will to live every day transfer negotiations. If CR7 moves to Madrid and Franch Ribery to Manchester to replace him by the end of June, there are some big media outfits which may be forced to make shit up – and we most certainly can’t have that.

* – Inter are officially denying – quite staunchly too – which makes it seem all the more truthful.

Robinho has also proclaimed his love for all things Barcelona. That sound you hear is the entire Barca board whistling casually while looking around frantically, desperate to avoid eye contact.

On a related note, someone else loves Barca. Javier Mascherano has a pretty-good-but-not-quite-head-cheerleader girlfriend, so when the head cheerleader comes rolling around, he’s not saying no. At least not according to his agent. But his current girlfriend won’t let him go, which means all this might be a simple ploy to get her to stop being such a nagging bitch.

All this has made Roman Abramovich upset, as with all this big spending goin’ around, Chelsea have only made a brief cameo in the Kaka rumors. He’ll change that by placing €50m on a table for Kun Aguero, who will trip and fall just after he crosses the channel. And then wink slyly.

Also leaving Madrid will be younger-than-expected Ruud van Nistelrooy (what’s 32 in horse years?), whose career has firmly entered ‘imminent retirement’ mode. Or so links to Tottenham and Fulham would seem to indicate.

Meanwhile, Maicon will continue the mad dash from Serie A because…well, it’s worth reading for yourselves:

“Inter, I’m sad and going away. They just think about pleasing Ibrahimovic. They treat me with indifference, like a normal person. And in 7 days in Brazil they have solved my physical problems, not in Milan. I spoke with Kakà and I saw him happy, he has from one big club to another big club. I want to feel happy like him”.

Rumor has it he then shimmied into a tight dress, belted out a soprano tune and then slapped a bowl of M&M’s at the press officer because the yellows hadn’t been removed. This has put Real Madrid, Chelsea & Skittles on high alert.

Next big Turkish thing Arda Turan is wanted by Atletico Madrid, Everton and Tottenham. Nothing really to say here besides well done to whichever team nabs his signature. In the process Birmingham legend and current Wigan player Olivier Kapo will go the other way. Or go to Fenerbahce.

That’s not really a “one or the other” choice, is it? “I might join Celtic. Or Rangers. One of the two.” doesn’t really work.

And finally we’re still in Turkey, where Trabzonspor have turned to Sven-Goran Eriksson after being snubbed by Graeme Souness.

I take it the village idiot was unavailable.

(Oh: Cristiano Ronaldo something something something Real Madrid.)

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Category: Transfer Talk