A Player’s Guide to Surviving Fan Attacks

As AC Milan keeper Dida taught us at the end of his team’s Champions League match against Celtic, one effective way to survive a fan pitch invasion is to curl up in a ball and pretend that you are dead. A unique approach it was, but not every player has to react the same way in the future. As history and the videos below show us, there are other ways to deal with fans that run onto the pitch.

Option 1: Ignore the fan

Remember that whole thing about turning the other cheek? Aston Villa’s Peter Enckelman makes a case for sainthood by completely disregarding the Birmingham fan’s taunts. While Enckelman’s restraint is admirable, it might just have been a result of the utter shock of letting in such a crap goal.

Option 2: Knock the snot out of the fan

Most of the time when a fan invades the pitch he is too drunk and too fat to make it very far before security gets him. On rare occasions the fan is actually in decent shape and possess a modicum of speed. When that is the case, it is best for players to take matters into their own hands. Maccabi Tel Aviv’s Kobi Mossa demonstrates the proper use of a flying dropkick.

Option 3: Shit your pants and wait for security to protect you

When you get paid to kick a ball with your feet you can almost be excused for not knowing how to throw a punch or to protect yourself. That is when it is handy to have security guards watching your back.

Option 4: Be proactive

Why wait for fans to invade your turf when instead you can go into the stands and take care of business yourself? FC Shinnik Yaroslavl forward Aleksandr Shirko demonstrates that sometimes the best defense is an offense.

Option 5 – Embrace the fan

This is the preferred method when said fan is an attractive blonde.

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Category: World Football