A Sunderland Sex Tape just in time for the Holidays

Looking for a special holiday gift for your loved one? Have a family member who is especially found of celebrity sex tapes? Today is your lucky day because I have the perfect gift idea just for you. English Championship side Sunderland has launched an investigation into allegations that three of their players took part in an alleged filmed sex session involving an undisclosed (and presumably undisclothed) woman.

My own investigations have revealed that the tape in question is not on YouTube or Ebay so we don’t know whether the Sunderland lads like to get their Stefan Postma on or if they like to spank an ass or if they are into Cyprus, but it is probably just a matter of time before we get to see Keeper Ben Alnwick, midfielder Liam Lawrence and striker Chris Brown displaying teamwork that hasn’t been seen at Sunderland in a long, long time.

“The behaviour of any individual that adversely affects the image or good name of Sunderland Football Club is obviously disappointing,” said Sunderland director Lesley Callaghan. “We will be handling this matter internally.”

[insert juvenile joke about internal investigation]

Meanwhile, unless you are willing to fork over a million quid, chances are you won’t be seeing a sex tape involving a pop star I’ve never heard of and David Beckham any time soon.

UPDATE: The Sun to the rescue with more details about the Sunderland fun including:

The seven-minute video shows England under-21 star Alnwick winking at the camera as he has sex with her. Then Woods — still wearing his jumper — is shown performing a sex act on himself.

Brown — who does Match of the Day style commentary throughout — hints their orgy antics are a regular fixture when he says of the two clothed pals: “Here’s the boys — the watching faithful — every week without fail.”

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Category: English Premier League, World Football