After 14 games without a win, who you gonna call?

By: Bob | October 18th, 2006

Macclesfield Town FC hasn’t exactly gotten off to a torrid start in English League 2. The club finds itself at the bottom of the league table and winless after 14 games. You could probably blame a lot of people at this point: the manager, the players, the ownership, the ghosts.

A renowned paranormal specialist nicknamed the “Midas Touch” has offered up his services to rid Macclesfield Town of the ghosts that are haunting them and to help turn their fortunes around. Dean Maynard claims that his powers helped to propel his hometown team Reading all the way to the Premiership. He also was the guiding force behind the Chicago White Sox winning the World Series in American baseball last year. Now, out the goodness of his heart, he wants to help the struggling Macclesfield Town side.

The secret to his powers?

“If I can get close to the players I’ll put them in a positive frame of mind where you go into the game thinking you‘re unbeatable,” he said.

“I used to be a professional player myself so I know 95 pc of this is down to the players and the manager.

“Otherwise it’s just going to the ground and supporting the team and willing the team to win. It just seems to generate a little bit of luck.

“Years ago it used to be Uri Geller, but I want to be the person they think of when their team is struggling.

“People don’t know whether it ties in with the ghost stuff or not, but me being involved seems to help their team.”

In a sign of just how out of touch he is with reality, the chief executive of Macclesfield Town, Patrick Nelson, said it would be “inappropriate” for the club to entertain his offer.”

“We’re not planning to talk to him and we are putting our faith in the normal way of winning points, which is getting our manager to train the players adequately to get three points on a Saturday,” he said.

Yep, that has worked so well thus far you might as well stick with that last place success plan. If I were running Macclesfield Town, I’d hire both the ghostbuster and a shayman. Heck, they both could probably play better than some of the current players.