An Alternative Christmas Message, From Sepp

By: Rob | December 26th, 2009

In the UK, and possibly other parts of the World, The Queen’s Speech on Christmas Day is somewhat of an institution. The whole country stops to go “Bloody Queen, coming on telly and lecturing us on Christmas” and are briefly united in a dislike for the monarchy. Or maybe that’s just my family?

Anyway, the Queen banged on about the Commonwealth and didn’t really mention the things that really matter. She didn’t mention football at all. So I thought someone should. So it is with great pride that I exclusively present, Sepp Blatter’s Alternative Christmas Message, where we can unite in complaint at a figure of authority.

Good Day Everyone, I hope you are with your families this Christmas.

It has been a wonderful year for football fans everywhere. Football fans got to enjoy Barcelona’s football, and they have many players from their own country playing for them. Happily they beat Man United in the Champions League final and proved that 6+5 is the way forward afterall.

On a related note, Real Madrid have replaced the Premier League as the primary big spenders in World Football which has cheered Michel up no end.

Many teams qualified for the Fifa World Cup, which we hold next year. I’ll even go and hand the trophy out at the end of it, as long as someone I quite like wins. Hopefully it’ll be England and I can hand the trophy to David Beckham. He is a dreamy role model that everybody can enjoy. I have seen alot of him this year, but it is never enough.

Sadly a few teams got to the World Cup in quite controversial conditions. I know that Irish fans were dismayed at the way their team was knocked out of the World Cup, and I know some people sorry for Thierry Henry for the way he has been victimised.

But the person I feel sorry for the most is the referee. It is not his fault that players try to cheat! In fact, I’ve been feeling sorry for referees alot this year, and as we head into a new year, I plan to propose a new system where there is no referee at all, so that players have to take responsibility for any in-game incidents.

It has also been a wonderful year for women’s football. The shorts have got shorter, and it not escaped my notice that the shirts are getting tighter. But they still have some way to go before they’ll convince the male populace to watch their game. I know that 2010 can be the year women’s football takes off, if perhaps we could find a way that they didn’t have to wear shirts at all.

Finally, I would like to wish you all a very merry christmas, and thanks for listening. I don’t really mind if you didn’t, because I get paid either way.

See you in 2010.