Cards Aren’t Just For The Pitch Anymore

Melbourne’s pubs and hotels, currently dealing with a rash of alcohol-induced violence and misbehaviour, have come to the conclusion that they need to impose some sort of system to prevent the insanity. So they’ve looked to football – or soccer, in their case – and the use of yellow and red cards. A yellow serves as a warning for an unruly customer, a red and you’ve been thrown out of the fine establishment. You know – same as in footy.

Will it work? It might and it might not. The shame of being shown a yellow card for jackassness might be enough to prevent some shenanigans, but what about a card-happy waiter or manager? What if Valentin Ivanov applies for a job in a Melbourne outpost? And what happens if the patron doesn’t take too kindly to his yellow and punches the waiter in the face? I smell holes in this blueprint.

But I do know one thing: I want this power for my daily life. I want to wave a yellow in the face of all 3.2million panhandlers which adorn these city streets. I want to send off the tattooed pincushion who cannot get my goddamn coffee right. I want to show red to the obnoxious loud-talker on the subway who finds it necessary to talk about their unspectacular life at jet-like decibels.

I think maybe it’s time football started creeping into the regular tasks of our daily lives, so bravo Melbourne. Yellow and red cards today, two-footed studs up tackles tomorrow.

[Spotted on Dirty Tackle]

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Category: World Football