Chelsea Fans, Please Leave your Celery at Home

By: Bob | March 16th, 2007

Bucking the recent trend of encouraging people to get their recommended daily servings of vegetables, the Chelsea football club warned their fans Friday that they will be in deep doo-doo if they continue to bring celery into stadiums. The Celery Gestapo are out in full force after referee reports noted that Chelsea fans have been wasting the tasty veggies by throwing them at each other and at opposing players.

In a message on the official Chelsea Web site fans were warned that they could do time if they commit the celery crime.

The FA’s investigation could result in sanctions being taken against the club, who said “the throwing of anything at a football match, including celery, is a criminal offence for which you can be arrested and end up with a criminal record.

“In future, if anyone is found attempting to bring celery into Stamford Bridge they could be refused entry and anyone caught throwing celery will face a ban.”

The club also urged fans who spot anyone throwing celery in the stadium to call a telephone number, adding that “all calls will be treated in confidence.”

They are asking for celery narcs. How cool is that?

The Reuters story also goes on to mention that Chelsea fans have been throwing celery at one another for a couple of decades and that they do it while singing “an unprintable song”. The beauty of having a blog is that we can use the word “fuck” as a verb, noun, adjective and pronoun and that we can print those unprintable songs. Here’s the Chelsea ditty:

♫ CELERY, CELERY
IF SHE WON’T CUM,
I’LL TICKLE HER BUM,
WITH A LUMP OF CELERY ♪♫

Now that song will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

By the way, the picture above is Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich marrying his first wife back in the late 1980s. Let this be a lesson to us all. If you are going to marry a billionaire make sure you are at least the second wife.