Drive-By Shootings Aren’t Just For Gangs Anymore.

By: chris | March 19th, 2009

Running a football club can get kind of boring, particularly in this depressing financially climate, and doubly so for a club in the financially strapped Spanish Segunda. One just kinda sits around and says “no, we can’t afford him” and “no, we can’t afford to do that” and “no, don’t touch me there”. It must be enough to drive one as batshit as the loneliest of middle-aged housewives. Good way to vent that anger? Drive-by shootings at hookers. Yeah, that’ll pour some excitement into your day. Really spice things up a bit. Dirty, no good…

The accused is Joaquin Bilbao, now former president of Xerez, a team which stands looking down upon the minnows of second division Spanish football from on high.

Technically I’m not exactly sure it was a “drive-by”, per say, but considering his chauffeur was supposedly involved that’s really good enough for me.

In fact, new rule: If you bring a chauffeur along to shoot at people, it’s a drive-by. It just makes too much sense.

These are the vague accusations against Joaquin and his driver:

The president of Xerez soccer club, Joaquin Bilbao, resigned on Thursday after he spent the night in a police cell following his suspected involvement in a shooting incident at a bar. The shooting occurred in the early hours of Wednesday at the Los Hierros bar in Jerez de la Frontera in south west Spain where the second division club is based, an official for the regional government said on Thursday.

And these are the few details able to be scrounged up from the mucky underworld of Spanish prostitution:

He and his chauffer are alleged to have taken part in a shooting incident in a bar run by three Russian girls, with the two reported to have returned to the bar after an earlier argument.

Argument with some Russian hookers, people get shot at. Color me befuddled.

I’m not necessarily speaking from experience, but during my vast number of dalliances with prostitutes in southwestern Spain I’ve noticed early Wednesday mornings to be absolute peak times. Clearly these aren’t the most business savvy of working women, so perhaps there is a justifiable reason why ~~Joaquin~~ the accused may have felt the need to shoot up the place (overcharged, double bookings, no double bookings, etc.). Or maybe he was just listening to a bit too much rap music.

And, of course, because he’s totally innocent – “I have a clear conscience, I don’t believe I did anything wrong and, in fact, I have been released without bail.” – he resigned anyway. Because that’s what innocent people do. Right.

Whatever the case, Joaquin is to be commended. It takes a special type of idiocy to remove Ramon Calderon as the black sheep of newly resigned Spanish presidents.