Florentino’s Eight Commandments.

By: chris | September 8th, 2009

Real Madrid fanzine Marca has done it once again, trumpeting the next brilliant move by the most bestest football club in the history of ever (officially). Today’s front page offers up Florentino’s manifesto, a list of rules by which Galacticos 2.0 must abide. Most are tame, some present a few problems for certain members of the squad. None of whom may have been just bought for gargantuan sums. No, not at all.

According to the pictures, banned have been such things as: dirty martinis, sandals, rude gestures, bicycles and kicking clocks. A list which would effectively put many a Sunday league side out of business.

Rather than plugging these into the Google Translate machine piece by piece only to come out which looks something like garbled Esperanto, these have been thieved unashamedly from The Spoiler.

1. Proximity
Players will need to appear approachable to the fans.

2. Education
Players must show respect towards all coaches, managers and fans.

3. Effort
Sacrifice, dedication…

4. Punctuality
Players must be on time for all appointments.

5. Health
Players must avoid all risky situations.

6. Order
There will be no excursions at night.

7. Image
Players must look presentable at all times.

8. Collaboration
Players must collaborate with the club and the press.

A few problems, however:

Proximity to fans.

This one wasn’t well thought through, as if they must get close to the fans, one of their defenders will be lacking hair and limbs – the former most importantly, of course.

Sergio Ramos is trembling in fear.

Must remain healthy.

Apparently the first note under this category reads “such as being Arjen Robben”. Well that explains that, then.

No “nightly excursions”.

This is just asinine. One cannot spend €94m to plant Cristiano Ronaldo in Madrid and ask him to curl up with a good book at night. That’s akin to buying a Ferrari and ordering it not to creep above 35mph. Or crash it. Blasphemous.

[The Spoiler]

	Soccer Forums	Team/International Results

Category: Spain La Liga, World Football

Tags: Arjen Robben, Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid, Sergio Ramos, Spain La Liga, World Football

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• kabir |  September 8th, 2009 at 12:45 pm

  
  
  

  watch ronaldo violate all of these

  Posted from United States

  

• Oli Davies |  September 8th, 2009 at 1:22 pm

  
  
  

  Yeah, I wonder what the punishment would be if Ronaldo went and broke them all. A fine? Sacking?

  Posted from United States

  

• Tony |  September 8th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

  
  
  

  Funny stuff, players are just puppets to these guys.

  Posted from Canada

  

• Dan |  September 8th, 2009 at 1:47 pm

  
  
  

  Number 6 is nothing new for Madrid. They confiscated Gunter Netzer’s passport when he played for them. When else is one supposed to have excursions anyway, during the day, when training happens?

  7 is a bit confusing. Who, exactly, is setting the standards of presentable?

  Do any of the rules happen to mention outlawing self righteous pomposity? Probably not.

  Posted from United States

  

• matt |  September 8th, 2009 at 2:33 pm

  
  
  

  that arjen robben crack got me goin. good stuff.

  Posted from United States

  

• tOmmy wOng |  September 8th, 2009 at 3:22 pm

  
  
  

  Why does everybody feel Ronaldo will violate all of these? He was one of the only players with Manchester United that would only drink water when he went out, and hardly ever drank alcohol.

  Being a good driver, and not busting up your expensive Ferrari in a 2 lane tunnel is a whole other question.

  Posted from United States

  

• alessio |  September 8th, 2009 at 7:06 pm

  
  
  

  Speaking of being close to fans, this ad ran most of last season, might still be.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwkCoEbRpWw&feature=PlayList&p=652D568017D93D9B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=35

  Posted from United States

  

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