Football Pitch Is The New Battlefield

What ever happened to a post-game handshake and pint?

A couple weeks ago it was a man, after taking offense to a sending off, returning to the scene of the perceived crime wielding a chainsaw. No doubt a response steeped in logic. So logical it happened again recently in South Yorkshire in a game between Royston Villa (guilty party’s team) and Mosborough, although this time as more of an ode to Zorro & Craig Bellamy.

Spokesman for Mosborough FC gave us a matter-of-fact breakdown of the events:

“One of their lads got sent off and came back and had weapons and that’s why it got abandoned.”

I think that about covers it. Although just a sword would be far to easy for his intended targets (referee, opposing players, little unicorns who run alongside him while repeatedly telling him he’s shite…).

Spectators at the local cup match in Barnsley, South Yorkshire saw the sent-off player return with a “golf club and a long sword”.

Golf club plus sword. This guy quite clearly doesn’t fuck around. I am curious as to which club though. And it was a long sword, supposedly. Do you think he went with the “little-big” combo of the long sword and a pitching wedge? Or maybe he wanted to keep his distance and brought back a 2-iron. Personally I would’ve gone with a 5-iron. Little loft, little length – just right.

So what’s the next step in post-sending off weaponry? My best guess is a morning star. Nothing says “I’m pissed about my red card” more than medieval weapons.

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Category: World Football