Footballers are Keeping the Lawyers Busy Today

By: Bob | October 13th, 2006

The legal affairs interns at The Offside have had a tough time keeping up with things the last 24 hours as footballers both past and present have been running afoul of the law. We start in Italy where police have issued warrants for the arrest of nine people in connection to allegations of price fixing and extortion related to the price of shares of Serie A club Lazio. You should be on the lookout for former Lazio and New York Cosmos great Giorgio Chinaglia who has been caught up in the matter. Chinaglia was last seen hosting a radio show in the United States and is believed to be armed and moronic. If you hear a middle aged man telling everyone that he was better than Pele, please call your local police office immediately.

Moving on to England where we learn today that Anton Ferdinand, younger brother of Rio, has upheld his family’s fine tradition of stupidity after being arrested for getting into a fight at a nightclub on October 2. The West Ham defender has been charged with assault and will face a hearing in November. Our interns have confirmed that Ferdinand did not, in fact, beat up Wayne Rooney although his representatives say that like the rest of England he wouldn’t mind telling Wayne mano-y-mano that it is about bloody time he scores a goal.

Finally, there is the always amusing and curious case of French midfielder Vikash Dhorasoo. After being sacked by Paris Saint-Germain earlier this week, he has announced that he is going to sue the club in a labor tribunal. No, he is not suing for a 38-hour work week, but instead he thinks the fact that he called his boss a liar and basically has been a useless piece of crap on the field isn’t enough to warrant a spot in the unemployment line.

“I don’t accept the charges. Money is not the issue, I’m suing them on principle. I want people to know that I didn’t commit a serious offence,” Dhorasoo said.

Duly noted, Vikash. If being a lazy player with waning skills is an offense, our legal interns are going to keep quite busy around here doing more than bringing me coffee and shining my shoes.