Frank & Jose’s Special Shower Moment

Rumor has it Jose Mourinho’s management, now and with Chelsea, is a little “hands on”. Lots of man management and all that good intimate stuff. So intimate he likes whispering sweet nothings into the ears of his players while they’re man managing their testes – or so says Frank Lampard, who was had at “hello”.

Quote of the year candidate #3,729:

‘His man management was just terrific,’ said Lampard. ‘He knew how to get into people’s heads. He got into mine the moment he came. He has that air of arrogance, that confidence, and it rubs off.

‘I have never had a manager who, while I’m standing in the shower cleaning my balls, tells me I’m the best player in the world. He did that. I’ll never forget it. So casual. “You’re the best player in the world, but you need to win titles”.

‘From that moment the extra confidence was in me. Not that I thought I was the best player in the world, but the manager who had just won the Champions League thought it. So I went out a different player.

I am completely stumped. No idea what to say here. So many scenarios running around in my head.

Does Jose walk into the shower, trenchcoat and all, casually sit down and start talking to his players while they wash their man parts? Why does Frank specifically remember he was cleaning his balls at the time? Could it have been his upper thigh? His chest, even? Is most of this even legal? How does he feel about Ibra now? Does he realize Jose’s just a manwhore, insincerely telling the girl whatever she wants to hear to get into bed? How much extra confidence was “in” Frank, precisely? Why does Frank feel the need to continue on with the innuendo? We got it the first time.

That is just a sampling of questions I don’t need answered.

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Category: English Premier League, World Football