Happy Valentine’s Day to Our Offside Readers

By: Laurie | February 14th, 2009

Excuse me? Offside readers? I would like to bring this, from Kickette, to your attention:

[O]ur new boy crushes at Unprofessional Foul politely asked us days ago if we would be their Valentine. Sweet, huh?

And then they made us a card with a shirtless Sergio Ramos, a suited Thierry Henry and a thirsty Freddie Ljungberg. We’re positively swooning.

“…Granted that the ladies behind Kickette are anonymous… but in our imaginations they have the looks of Sylvie van der Vaart and the brains of Frank Lampard.“

Ahem. Nobody sent us a valentine.

Of course, we understand that it would be a little more difficult, since we’re of mixed genders. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) But still.

You will be pleased to learn, however, that we do not hold grudges. And even though our love for you, our beloved readers, may be unrequited… Well, what the hell. We still love you.

And so, on behalf of The Offside, I would like to offer you big, sloppy razzberries on your cheeks. (Like I would give my brothers. If I could remember where they live.)

May all your goalkeepers get shutouts and all of your strikers score hat tricks. Happy Valentine’s Day to you from The Offside.

Oh, and here’s some chocolate and flowers and balloons. Just for you.

(Giving photographic cyber-presents is especially great for us here because they don’t cost a damn cent. So we can save up to pay for those EPL lawsuits.)