How to Get Footy Fans to Stop Smoking: The Prizes Britain SHOULD be Offering

Best quote from this article on the National Health Service’s plan to use footy fans’ love of their sport to get them to quit smoking:

[M]ore than half of Liverpool fans say they would give up smoking if their team won the League and FA Cup double – more than for any other team.

I’m guessing that this season they’d also volunteer to jog to London and back naked across glass while carrying a goat under each arm.

Alas, last time I checked there was no actual way for fans to affect their beloved teams’ results through changing their own behavior. (Although Paris Hilton might beg to differ.) So Britain’s NHS is offering up the next best thing: A stop-smoking competition between fans of rival teams.

The majority of male smokers (70%) would like to quit and more than 80% of them are football fans.

Smokefree United provides coaching and support to help players and fans to stop smoking.

In addition to quitting advice, fans can win “money-can’t-buy” prizes and boost their team’s position in the Smokefree United League

“Money-can’t-buy” prizes? That sounds interesting. What kind of prizes are we talking about?

“Some of the other prizes include being able to play a match at a Premier League ground of your choice and being coached by some legends, so those are some of the incentives, but the benefits in terms of your health are self-explanatory.”

Okay, sure, great, but I think they can do better. If they’re really serious about getting guys to quit smoking, here’s what they should offer:

• An evening with the WAG of your choice. This would causea skyrocketing Smokefree United membership for clubs like Tottenham (Peter Crouch’s Abbey Clancy, on the left) and Chelsea (Ashley Cole’s wife Cheryl, on the right.)
• The prize for masochists only: The chance to be abused by everybody’s favorite footy sociopath, Roy Keane. Pretty sure it would go something like this.
• A “Get Out of Jail Like You’re a Prem Star” card, good to go for the next time you assault somebody. (Steven Gerrard autograph optional.)



• “Drive a Player’s Car for a Day” prize. Your choice of perfect, purring, high-priced machine, all yours to do with as you will for 24 hours.

  And why would they mind? They’re just going to wreck it anyway.




• And last but not least: The opportunity to blast footballs, point blank, at the immobilized player of your choice.

  Still mad at Nicolas Anelka for missing that Champions League final penalty? Never quite forgave Cristiano Ronaldo for that World Cup wink? This would be your opportunity to express your feelings. And not only that, it would be a great nicotine-withdrawal stress reliever, too.

  Bonus: They could take this international for worldwide health benefits. Think of all the Irish who’d happily quit smoking just to to take a shot a Thierry Henry.

Fans currently signed up, by team.

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Category: English Premier League, World Football