If Soccer Bloggers Ruled the World
By: Laurie | November 12th, 2008
We at The Offside love being football/futbol/soccer bloggers. We really do. But we have noticed that there are some things in life that make our jobs harder.
If we ruled the world (and we genuinely believe that we should), here are a few things we’d change:
If Soccer Bloggers Ruled the World
- All player names would be capped at seven letters, tops. Diniyar Bilyaletdinov, you’re outta here!
- YouTube’s Terms of Service would allow English-language videos to stay up just as long as pirated ones in Chinese.
- Someone would invent a special Soccer Bloggers’ Keyboard, so we could type “Emre Belözoğlu” without having to copy and paste from Wikipedia.
- That ubiquitous “10% luck, 20% skill etc” song would be banned from player highlight reels. We get it, he’s good.
- Someone would invent a special universal currency for use in football transfers, so we don’t have to type €15m (£11.88m, $23.44m etc). The new currency will be called transfer vouchers. So it would be “Aston have offered Portsmouth 10 transfer vouchers for Niko Kranjčar.”
- When liveblogging, we could decide which games go to extra time and penalties, according to our own personal and family schedules.
- Big football news wouldn’t break while we were out buying groceries.
- The NFL would start describing its sport as something other than “football”, to make searching for proper football news much much easier. May we suggest “throwball”?
- We’d tip the scales so that mainstream media sites would love it when we link to them because of all the extra traffic it brings. But we’d be really tight and hardly ever do it.
- It would pay a lot better.
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Category: World Football
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Comments
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Hear, hear. And I think we could achieve some of these goals, too. If only we had 15% concentrated power of will…
Posted from
United States
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I WISH they’d call it “throw ball” lol. I can’t quite bring myself to call it soccer as it doing so would be bad juju.
Posted from
United States -
I don’t mean to pick nits, but, doesn’t the example in your 3rd rule violate the first rule? (You could have gone with, say, Hakan Sukur?)
Posted from
United States -
Damn, Mustafa. I changed if from Tuncay Şanlı at the last minute because Belözoğlu looked like it had more accents. But you’re right! I should have left it as it was!
Posted from
United States -
YES WE CAN, Impossible Is Nothing, Just Do It. Laurie those Ideas R Nice The Universal currency its a great idea . Can we just name “American Football, Helmet Ball” Cus 4 me it seems like they the just stole Rugby & named Football, bunch of wankers.
Posted from
United States -
Laurie its that Bill Clinton lol
I know Bill when I see itPosted from
United States -
I love that last bullet point
Posted from
United States -
Very good, Lissette! (I found it by doing a google image search for “Dictator.” The second I saw it, I knew it had to go in the post.)
Posted from
United States -
In the end it was all about money.
Posted from
Australia -
Isn’t that the story of life, a.?
Posted from
United States -
How about for the vast majority of the bloggers here, we modify that last bullet point to be “It would pay.”
Posted from
United States -
Hear hear, Laurie! Am v. much taken with #8 - proper naming. American football looks childish, less demanding, and less manly than actual footie. Let’s call it “wussy babyball.”
Posted from
United States -
I should point out that this post was a joint effort. I know Chris and Daryl both contributed, and I think Ian may have as well? So I can’t claim credit for the “football” one. But you’re right — it is good.
Posted from
United States -
yes, it would pay.
Posted from
United States -
Best thing you guys have done in awhile, and absolutely right
Posted from
United States -
spot on, this was perfect
Posted from
United States -
I refer to that shitty sport as “yardball”.
Posted from
United States -
Recommendation:
-the team you blog for would always play in accordance with your timezone
-there is no such thing as an out of market game and/or all games would be streamed live onlinePosted from
United States -
@Alan: Duh. How did we forget those?!?
Posted from
United States -
We call American football “carry-ball,” because that’s what they do, they carry it around.
Posted from
United States -
I think it’s funny how many American-flagged commenters here talk as if they are Brits. C’mon, man … it’s soccer to us! And we know it’s also football when said with an accent. All good — if there’s room for both “lift” and “elevator”, “tv” and “tele”, then there’s also room for soccer and football.
Great list, by the way. Funny and inspirational — enough to make me think oy, what a terrible existence soccer blogging stands to be!
Posted from
United States -
Laurie wrote:
I should point out that this post was a joint effort. I know Chris and Daryl both contributed, and I think Ian may have as well?In that case I bet point #4 to be definitely Daryl’s. I remember he was bi***ing about it not so long ago.
I have another good one:
- Social networking sites would finally give a damn about soccer. Yes, I’m looking at you Digg!Posted from
United States -
Guilty as charged Marco. And 100% agree about Digg. There should be more to life than stories about iPhones.
Posted from
United States -
Funny, I thought that one had Chris written all over it.
(I have no idea who wrote what in this one — it was started in Euros, so I don’t even remember which ones I wrote.)
Posted from
United States -
Blogging paying better than free?
Hah, Like a proper Guardian “blogger”.
I yearn for their pay cheque.
Considering half of them nick their ideas off us…
Posted from
United Kingdom
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