Is Alan Shearer to Newcastle an April Fools’ Joke?

By: Daryl | April 1st, 2009

Big news today is that Alan Shearer is taking over at Newcastle, and will attempt to save them from relegation. Or is he?

Exciting stuff if you’re a Newcastle fan. But today’s a day where every bit of news deserves to be treated with a bit of suspicion. Chris suspects this is all an elaborate hoax, whereas I’m convinced it’s the real deal…

Chris: Splattered across the front pages of every sports page in Britain right now is knight in shining armor Alan Shearer, the man who will save Newcastle United from the dreaded drop. (Wait….so you’re telling me a relegation fighter swapped coaches? This is today’s big news?)

Forgive me for being cynical but I’m calling bullshit. It is April Fools’ Day, you know.

I can already hear the arguments chiming in. “It’s been rumored for so long”, “it just makes too much sense”, “it was always going to happen someday”, etc. etc.

Well those are all undeniably sound reasons – which is precisely what makes this the perfect April Fool’s Day joke. Not only are people apt to believe it, but they want to believe it – particularly those in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. The club legend comes back to save his beloved from the dungeons of English football? It’s all just so romantic, so movie-like.

But as of yet the club hasn’t said a word, and this ‘broke’ more than twelve hours ago at a time when few would be expecting it. Sure, plenty wake up in the morning expecting to be hit in the face with thinly-veiled fairy tales but I’m not sure too many expect it just before midnight in Ingerland. It was April Fool’s Day somewhere in the world, right?

As for the guilty party, it’s incredibly improbable NUFC would instigate such a potentially disruptive rumor – Mike Ashley has better things to do, most of which involves beer – but rather it’s precisely the type of perfectly devious rumor the media would unleash on “their day”, as admitted by the Telegraph on their front page.

“Today is April 1, traditionally the day when newspapers play practical jokes on their readers.”

Just the perfect crime at the perfect time.

Daryl: I agree, the timing is weird. And no, there’s no word on the Newcastle site yet. But since when were official club websites first with the news? Rather than being an April Fool’s this is something that’s happening, but not yet official.

And if this was an April Fools’ Day prank, then it’s a pretty big one. Every major news outlet in England, and a few international ones are now reporting it.

The no quote from Shearer or Newcastle is suspicious, but in a way I also think it confirms that this might happen. Alan Shearer takes Newcastle United very seriously, and Newcastle United take themselves very seriously. So if this is a prank then they’re certainly not the perpetrators. And if they’re the victims then I would have expected to see at least one of them come out and deny the story.

And here’s the final proof: There’s only one club in the world that could screw up a major announcement like this by having it in the headlines on April Fools’ Day, and that club is Newcastle United.