Kaka Renews, Marca & AS Close Offices

By: chris | February 29th, 2008

As if The Rickster wasn’t earning enough money already, he’s done gone and signed himself over to the Rossoneri until 2013. This means two years more contracted to be making Milanese hearts go aflutter at the San Siro, which is currently doubling as both an old age home. And no, cynics, this isn’t being misreported when the extension is actually until 2031, they’re saving those years for Pato.

This may be good news for the Milanisti in the crowd, but I ask an important question: What the hell is left for AS & Marca to write about now that the “Ricky & His Jesus To Madrid!” headlines are dead? (For the short term future, at least.) Here’s what I’d like to see them write about (all of it indirectly or directly involving Real, of course):

Arjen Robben’s receding hair line: That thing is an absolute beast with a mind of its own. There’s so much material there the journos at these two establishments should be disgusted with their embarrassment of riches. We all know Zidane’s on the pitch influence can’t be replaced any time soon, but I don’t think anyone saw his hairline being replaced this quickly, either.

Whether or not Royston Drenthe will break Robinho’s record for “most condoms requested to a bouncer in one sitting”: Robinho famously requested 40 at a party in Brazil which presumably involved the entire Bundchen family. However, early odds have it that Royston is going to shatter that record once Real wins the title this season. I’m going to set the over/under at +/- 63.5.

The growing whispers that Luis Figo is going to sign with Espanyol: Just to stick it to Barca one more time.

Real Madrid is going to launch a mega big for Kaka’s little bro, Digao: And to this, the Rossoneri faithful in the crowd scream “Please! Oh dear god pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssee.”

* - Let’s just think for a second what would happen if Ricky left and Digao stayed on board in Milan…..mmmmmmmm. Tasty.

How Johan Cruijff is the second coming of Arjen Robben: Don’t ask, somehow this one works out for Marca.