Let’s Play The “What Was Ranieri Trying To Say?” Game

It’s been one hell of a week for Italian calcio. Nothing to do with the football, of course, but everything to do with the vitriolic verbal missiles being launched in every direction by Jose Mourinho, Claudio Ranieri, Luciano Spalletti and anyone in the peninsula who decides they dislike someone else. It’s a veritable War of the Misters. (At the epicenter is Mourinho – but I didn’t need to tell you that.)

Long story short: Mourinho attacked Juve for their Calciopoli past; Spalletti attacked Inter for their Calciopoli present; Mourinho attacked everyone just because he’s Mourinho; Ranieri hit back at Mourinho because he still has nightmares of his Stamford Bridge exit; Spalletti was suspended; the FIGC promised to probe Mourinho’s six year old conduct; and Ranieri managed to make a (maybe) slightly racist comment which offended the biggest nation on earth.

* – It would take years to source all this, but it’s true: just skim the recent articles section of Football Italia’s website.

We’ll leave the Mourinho thing alone – his mouth doesn’t really need any more press – but Ranieri’s “if you can’t dazzle ‘em with brilliance, baffle ‘em with bullshit” comment after his side’s 2-1 loss to Lazio in the Coppa most certainly deserves the spotlight. (If only so we can figure out just what the hell he was trying to say.)

I can only guess Ranieri was so flustered by the constant war of words in the press his mind has overheated and this goop came out:

“I did not like the entire direction of the match. I found the official was tough with us, on the field it seemed as if he was Chinese, as it was always yellow cards with us.”

Theories? Anyone?

The lineage in my brain went something like this (calcio > racial stereotypes):

“China….Asia….Korea….2002….Byron Moreno….Ecuador.”

However, last I checked – googling for reassurance – Ecuador isn’t exactly in China, nor is “Byron Moreno” a very traditional Chinese name. Basically it’s just the theory of someone losing control of a game within the same continent as China. This theory may have a hole or two – just maybe.

Another, more prevalent theory is that Ranieri was referring to the racist concept that the skin of Chinese people is “yellow” hued. But then, that doesn’t really make any sense either, because despite yellow cards being…wait for it…..”yellow”, I can’t for the life of me remember the last time I encountered a Chinese man or woman whipping a compatriot out of their shirt pocket only to flash it glaringly at another person. Then again, maybe I’ve just been lucky.

There’s also the thought that he was referring to the state of the Chinese game, which, to put it politely, is in tatters. So in tatters that it’s been pulled off domestic television because it more resembles an amateur martial arts tournament than real footy – thus leading us to believe a few yellows, or several hundred, are flashed every game. I’d say that’s the best theory yet – provided, of course, Claudio is a true global game buff in all its forms.

Given that we know the Tinkerman is an ardent Offside reader, it’s undoubtedly the latter option. At least we hope it is.

But maybe, just maybe, the FIGC should forget handing out bans and go with muzzles instead.

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Category: World Football