Man Jailed for Punching Sir Alex Ferguson in the Groin
By: Bob | October 18th, 2007
Talk about a tough break. You are a drunk beggar simply going about your business of randomly punching people in the nuts outside of train stations when lo and behold you end up punching the groin belonging to a famous football manager. You chose the wrong groin on the wrong day.
Kevin Reynolds – not a pseudonym for Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho – has been sentenced to 15 months in jail for doing something many a Manchester United hater has dreamed of: taking a whack at Sir Alex Ferguson’s penis.
His “stunned” victim promptly doubled up in agony and, as he fought for breath, managed to gasp “What the hell are you doing?”.
The 44-year-old beggar – whose criminal record boasts a total of 146 convictions including many for violence, during nearly a quarter of a century of drink-driven offending – promptly insisted: “I’m sorry Fergie, I didn’t realise it was you.”
But almost immediately afterwards he held out his arms and started shouting: “Fergie, Fergie, shut your mouth.”
Peter Zinner, prosecuting, told London’s Southwark Crown Court: “Your honour may know it is a chant that is used by football supporters in Scotland, or is something heard at matches involving Manchester United when Sir Alex gets excited.”
How awesome is that? Not only did he deliver a blow but he had the wherewithal to follow it up with a classic taunt. Clearly Mr. Reynolds has learned a thing or two over the course of those 146 convictions.
And for those of you who might be concerned about Sir Alex’s nether region, he reports that there have been no “lasting effects”. With that, please join me in poking out my eyes and forever erasing the image of Sir Alex’s man parts from my mind.
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Comments
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As Alex is a Scot, the guy’s lucky Fergie didn’t retaliate against his balls in a slightly more “lasting” way. 146 convictions? Damn…I thought the US had a revolving screen door of justice… what’s the rule in England? 150 strikes and you’re out?
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man hailed by all for punching sir alex ferguson in groin
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