May All Your Summers Be White

By: chris | April 6th, 2009

Unless The Messiah tears a hammy or strains the entire left side of his body, Real Madrid’s season is effectively over. Sheepishly dumped out of both domestic and continental cup competitions and with Barcelona simply too strong, they’ll finish a disappointing second in La Liga. Without trophies and that’ll be that. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be dominating headlines from now until the end of the year. Why? Because they’re Real @#$%ing Madrid, that’s why.

Saturday we got gospel that Cristiano Ronaldo had agreed terms for a summer move. Today, Kaka to Madrid for a little more than Zidane’s record-breaking fee is as good as your grandmother’s lasagna – gold, baby, gold. Let the madness begin.

Ronaldo says he’s happy in Manchester and if you’re biting into the schoolgirl fawning surrounding Federico Macheda’s one goal, they don’t need the reigning BD’O winner anymore. Nor Wayne Rooney. Nor Nemanja Vidic. Nor Ryan Giggs. Nor Carlos Tevez. Nor Sir Alex. Nor anyone else. Hell, they might not even need a ball. Just Macheda. So why wouldn’t Man Utd sell for £75m? They can wheel in the barrels of dough to ~~clear their debt~~ poach more youngsters from abroad and Ronaldo will move to a league where he’ll never get kicked. Never.

Kaka, like CR, has been flirting with Real from across the bar for years now. But back then, he was Milan’s golden boy. No longer. He now knows full well he’s got a price and this time he wouldn’t have to forsake his footballing goals and integrity for a mediocre club by sporting standards and their payment-by-barrels direct deposit program. This time he could do it for the football. (The yachts too – but mostly the football.)

And it looks promising. According to AFP via Marca – Spanish for ‘Madrid fanzine & fables’ – he’ll do just that after Florentino Perez, widely assumed to resume his throne upon the Bernabeu in coming weeks, brokered a deal with Milan last month. And because Marca says so, it must be true. Must.

So in three days we’ve received word that Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo will be joining Real Madrid for the recession-proof sum of €142.5m. Believable or not, likely or not, it won’t matter. Welcome to the summer of Real Madrid: the quest for world domination by any medium. It’ll just go round and round and round and…